Please not a COSTA GIRL again :(

What I have been searching through out this while is actually your smile...
And it has always made me happy all this while...
I know life gives you many chances to go a full circle back to where it started..
But if only I would have my say..there was actually no word as "DEPARTED"..

Yes it hit me back time and again...
With the gilt feeling always inside as hard it is to explain...
Its not like I always refrain to understand you....
Please see it from my eyes..I have never had this feeling of being stuck in your virtue...

After all this while..its hard to let the costa girl go away..
I understand its my perception, but off lately the training has made me understand this phrase..
With "Let's just give it a try" being engraved in the mind and heart as an emblem...
Please look back and see..how many "dilmeet" you have actually out run with the attitude of "FUN"...

Simply not here to correct and narrate the past mistakes made...
Time and again..I pray to you..please make it soon and let me have my mate..
Not looking for a costa girl to make a come back for enlightenment...
Its the love I want from you...and it absolutely matters if you are actually worth that spent...

I know this insane feeling..and I bet its mutual :)

 I know what you have gone through,

Keeping the cards up close not to divulge the truth,

Till the time comes near....I know what lay's beneath you besides the fear..

Some how ...that feeling has come back..finally with a smile my dear..

With the happiness actually knowing no bounds...

All I can say.....I want to do a full circle with merry go round..

And how can I explain you..how do I actually feel...

Only I can say....my dreams have been realized from reel to real..

Patience some how has paid me with a precious gift..

I will forever cherrish the memories ...with an emotional mix...

Thanking GOD time and again...

Can't actually wait to be with my partner..I know I am being freakishly insane..

Could this be the start of a new begining..

Bet it is..as this relation has established my faith in the feeling...

To love you more and more with each day passing by..

I promise you will never ever let you go away from my sight..

I Laugh at the reason..

Funny it is to understand the wave of expectations..
As you are only left with consideration of hesitation..
Realizing in acceptance of the fate and left with a date..
There is all the more no option left...except to wait...

I being an emotional fool trying to explain..
Give it a shot, irrespective of thinking about the gains..
But the only words I hear..is of "IF's and But's"
And ultimately it leads to the aggravation of excruciating pain...

Never ever given a chance to change the decision..
Else it was in every one's mind...making it the point od confusion..
Let me add the view point for clarity...
Was the "NO" left as the only word fullfilling the formality...

Its not the blame I want you to be associated with..
As it was in me...who is empty inside..not to be your destiny..
Hope you could understand the wishes I have for you...
I have always loved you..."IF" you could hear the words more than the truth...

Redefine myself..again..

Happiness has a new definition today..seeing you accepting the fate...
And its this feeling of now nothing can go wrong....beckons me to remember the date..
Off course..with you getting bottomed out to the core..
There is absolutely nothing bad can happen...as you are now tied to the floor..

With rise up being the only....chance in which you can bet..
Perhaps that has actually made me somewhat..calm..and I can hope to plan with no regrets..
Thinking of you again and again..makes me...deceptive of the truth..
What if..my so called self contentment is a again going so shake me to the roots..

Now, its not about the ability to stand up and move on...
But betting it out on the correct one's...and not regretting is better than just by simply associated with being gone..
I am not able understand....why I always stand up..and hope to see you around..
As inside I know..I am still living in my own world of hoping to be actually found..

Did you ask me..by whom...I guess..you actually know my "ONE"
As its all because of her.I have got the strength to stand up and begun..
To the unkown that beckons me to come back..and be what I was..
Only to wish to seek your hand and rise up...and lets capture the loving moment with a pause..

I am sorry....but spare a thought..

Its too easy to speak your mind and point out mistakes for omissions..
I consider you to imagine..from the parents viewpoint..
Who knowing the fact accompany their child in every situation..
And Easy to explain the condition of not having an association..

Been applauded by many with different adjectives to consider my rejection..
No longer I blame you..of me being short and baggy....I completely understand your position..
The joke of every time is me..who sometime is rejected..for many obvious reasons..
But the best thing..is altogether blaming it on my destiny..

You ..yes you..all are also responsible for making me what I am today..
Sitting like helpless chaps..reciting the words of fate...till this day..
Giving me the reason to freak out.....from my clothing to actually gauge you...
Spare a thought on the parents...who have come up there living a dream of truth..

Call it to be a late pass....that I am actually not able to see you..
Time and again...they remind me..you are up there somewhere...
I wish and pray..to make please expedite and make it too soon...
Its been a hell here till date..please come and take me...to your own moon...

Wash your linen and rise above...

I wonder ..if at all the words and the expressions I use have been abused..
Repeating them all the more again....hoping that they can somehow breach the lines..before you call me insane...
What actually pains is to see me being judge by the perception of the people around..
And the physical traits actually counting on me...worst it feels..and much more than it sounds..

The anger some what grows in me..that if et all... the fake world is left for me..
Making them hard to realize ...to rise above the rest and believe...
Apart from giving up...I somehow dragged it till here..
Hoping for a turn around every time..wish you can find me...hiding up there..

I have actually lost the essence of seeing you in me..
Counting the reason's....which I ask myself..how can I rewind it and consider my destiny..
There are plenty of examples..which explains the expression to me...
The only difference is in the words you speaking....trying to confuse me..but the decisions remains same thats what I always feel...

If I could make you understand to see me from inside....
But how could you ?...I admit its only possible if you have lived me..and allowed me to speak..
What a heart wants to make out from the various emotions that have no association with words..
Yes its true..even the dictionary will not do justice to the meaning you give to me..so let me clean myself and reach that peak..

Free Myself..

Something is left in me..that reminds me of you...
How much hard I try...but love always come better of me...in these blues..
I have to find...may I repeat the words..find the reason to hate you..
Unknowingly makes me much more closure to you...I admit.."I still do"...

It has never left me..though with it..I was much more composed and happy..
And you can call it to be my perception..of reclaiming my trophy..
None of it was actually true..as I myself was unknown..
That it was the faith and trust...acting as a shelter for my one...

Which helped me to move along and make you believe..
We were too good as a couple..as it was our destiny indeed..
Never ever it happened ..which forced me to think back..
As forever it was..thats all I hoped it to last..

May be some one got the best of me..and took you away..
Is it that you decision was influenced and the perception changed..
Whatever expressions and adjectives I might think this time..
Truth is you are no way near close to me to shine...

Time table..

It begins with remembering the time when you wake up..and wash your hair..
Can't tell you...how it felt seeing my watch repeatedly..and the only thing that helped was that I care..
Of course for you...I was busy understanding what the patience actually means..
As before that .. seriously..I was as always confused..

Keeping a track of the activity what you will be doing this time..
Will I disturb you in the middle..as that was the last thing to say with a fine..
But it was hard for me to take you out from my head..
An uncanny face...revealing you the truth that I am in distress..

No matter how hard I try to escape from your dream..
Its always there on the back of my mind..asking for a repeat..
To be true..I could never get the best of you...call it to be my expectations..
As they were always pointing up towards the moon..I understand it was too soon..

Never was my intention of not to understand your situation..
Guess..it was too early for me to hold my myself of the anxiety in consideration..
Whatever may be the reason to track the activities you do..
The only intention was..I should never let you go of myself....as it was the view..that was my only truth....

What do I actually want ?? :)

It has again come a full circle to haunt me back..
Saying it again..will actually not allow me to correct my mistake...of leaving you just like that..
May be I was too weak..to understand your position of believing in me..
What ever was the reason..I believe its me..who left you to be lonely..

If I would have loved you the way I wanted..
Perhaps would not have seen this day..and called myself to be haunted..
Who else but me... reminding myself of the mistakes made in the past..
You were always with me...I guess..I was being unfair..judging you too fast..

Everything now seems to disappear in a flash..
With you no where near...and I keep on reminding myself of being compared to a trash..
What if..I could take back the time..correct myself of being short lived.
Its true..you would have actually given me..what I wanted..only thing was letting you trust my virtue..

At present I am only left with my "IF" and a far flung hope..
Of never to see you in my life..just like a curse that is planning me to drove..
Myself away from you..And I failed miserably hoping for a repeat times..
Guess..I can only pray..till the God actually blesses us..together to shine...

Black Pawn...

Its better to compare yourself of being black...
That was the best I could do for you..
Some time me..but most of the time its the heart that is stuck believing in the truth..
And do not try to relate..it with my previous fate..
But yes..I know..it has helped me to understand the situation off late..

Its the smile I miss on my face..that was there all through..
Reason was different ..but I was counting you as my moon..
Perhaps you are always right..I was mad to be imagining it to be so soon..
Was it an endless wait..Yes it was...but for me the decision came early as than expected..that too at noon..

For me..being with you and loving you was the only expectation I had..
Guess..that was too much for me....the reason why..you left me just like that..
Being mum and standing up there..
The decision was unfair..seeing it from my place here..

But how could ..I confront you with my problem..
When I know the solution is not there as you were not my one...
I accept the fact..of being no good for anybody..
Only wish I have its that some how I can find..who is my trust worthy..