You My fruit....is the reason :)

Amazing is the feeling when I talk to you.....through my blog..
Feels as if..you are next here with me..holding you new prop..
Stuck in my own world of "imagination"...only to be with my "One"....
Some times I feel..how could you never realized missing all the fun..

With the "plan" all freezed...to perfection...and  trust me..a mere "kiss" will not be just for an "observation"..
Much more are in the store for expectations....if you could feel what I wanted to say in this situation..
Moving towards the "next"...has been some what  become a most obvious reason to find "you"..
Every time the "face" changes me to remind me.....what if...I would have said to you "I do"..

We would have been together from last summer...completing a year..
Before you ask...I would say "yes" remembering the past does hurt...and grapples me in fear...
As I say it to you..a tear rolls down my cheek in despair ....with a wish in my heart..
Hoping against hope of having my dream to actually realize.....as if it was love from the very start..

My so called state...might be a sad one...I feel broken and bruised..unable to accept the truth and move on..
But still...I am crawling at my pace to reach the end.....only to have a glimpse of you..
For me...it has always been the your love..which  has sounded up close to the truth...
What if..I was not able to taste your love as my own fruit...

Wear my shoes...you STUPID..LITTLE IDIOT "DILMEET"...

That is the reason I get....with people begging me to put me in their shoes and realize..
What they have gone through in thier life....."Stressing" on the fact..dont worry just throw the dice..
As always usually..people think and consider me as their mice..
Pulling the plug ..moving away...with the most "abnoxious" reasons..handing me their slice..

Off course..none of my "prospective" one came to offer a reason..why not me ??
Me being a stupid little idiot posed myself with many names...requesting me to set free..
So far none of this has happened to ...except for me still looking at the "tree"..
I question myself...When it actually start ??..I replied it was a "stone" being thrown...cursing me..

Used to being "symbolically"..called a poor soul...seeking his blessing's and requesting to stop ignore..
The way I have always given you my heart out..expecting some thing in return was the only mess that put me doubt..
I know..I could not have ever made you understand...
How I actually feel....sinking slowly deep inside the sand..

Worst thing I could do is to come back to you as a consolation prize..
Lucky it may seem to you..but to be true it never felt me nice..
Considering myself as a prized possesion if the feeling I ever wanted you to have for me..
Dropping off was an easy option fro you....else you would have been here....chosing the words for my destiny..

Its all over me..

Every wondered what "IF" I would not have been a part of this story..
Trust me..it would have not made much of a difference by bringing in the much famed glory..
Its the "patience" tested time and again..which gets better of me..
Easiest way to forget is blaming the destiny....and set worries free..

This too has happened a lot many times..and need not deserve an explanation which seek attention..
A humble request is to please pray and think..before the words are spoken without a sanction..
I am not here to judge you by the mere facts...but yes..I might have my own way to narrate the truth...
Call it to be selfish and modified version of reality....and.that's how..I always come out from the woods...

Nevertheless....its the failure again..don't get angry ..but please accept this my miss..
With the reason's that define the world around me..sinking me and my family..deep inside with agony..
What else we can expect..but to accept..I am not good for any one...digesting the "word" with no regrets..
If you would have heard and felt..what I never said..all this is a myth pushing me near my death..

Say it to be other way round..the actions have some how..made me near the edge of self destruction..
Its all the more rules of the "GAME"..blaming it..and moving on with a self elation..
To Laugh is the only adjective and expression I have....explaining my present state...
So much easy is to make use of the "FATE"....to forget that "FATE FULL DATE"...

Just a small stupid wish..of letting you go....

The week ends are now hard to pass by..
Looking myself in the mirror with a face that is about to cry..
Searching my phone book..and drafting a message ..in my head to explain it to you of giving  it a try..
Every time I come up with some thing...you broke me again..signing me off with a last good bye..

Can call it to be my problem that I always come running to you..
Tossing of my self respect....by acknowledging being stuck up in my blues..
I eventually ask myself..how could it be you ?? who changed so soon for good..
Usually I am reminded by others.. "move on my friend..its over"..its high time you realize the truth..

The more I introspect for the reason of falling us apart....it makes me think..
How come you go away from me....just as a blink..
Wish the time taken to explain could actually be short as my memory..
 But that was and is not the case to be..

Tried a lot to make things work..by sacrificing myself as per your own world..
It some how went in disarray .....eloping away with my own bird..
Some how..if I could make you go away from me..
I would be much more than happy to have loved and lost you....and still believe in my destiny..

Please not a COSTA GIRL again :(

What I have been searching through out this while is actually your smile...
And it has always made me happy all this while...
I know life gives you many chances to go a full circle back to where it started..
But if only I would have my say..there was actually no word as "DEPARTED"..

Yes it hit me back time and again...
With the gilt feeling always inside as hard it is to explain...
Its not like I always refrain to understand you....
Please see it from my eyes..I have never had this feeling of being stuck in your virtue...

After all this while..its hard to let the costa girl go away..
I understand its my perception, but off lately the training has made me understand this phrase..
With "Let's just give it a try" being engraved in the mind and heart as an emblem...
Please look back and see..how many "dilmeet" you have actually out run with the attitude of "FUN"...

Simply not here to correct and narrate the past mistakes made...
Time and again..I pray to you..please make it soon and let me have my mate..
Not looking for a costa girl to make a come back for enlightenment...
Its the love I want from you...and it absolutely matters if you are actually worth that spent...

I know this insane feeling..and I bet its mutual :)

 I know what you have gone through,

Keeping the cards up close not to divulge the truth,

Till the time comes near....I know what lay's beneath you besides the fear..

Some how ...that feeling has come back..finally with a smile my dear..

With the happiness actually knowing no bounds...

All I can say.....I want to do a full circle with merry go round..

And how can I explain you..how do I actually feel...

Only I can say....my dreams have been realized from reel to real..

Patience some how has paid me with a precious gift..

I will forever cherrish the memories ...with an emotional mix...

Thanking GOD time and again...

Can't actually wait to be with my partner..I know I am being freakishly insane..

Could this be the start of a new begining..

Bet it is..as this relation has established my faith in the feeling...

To love you more and more with each day passing by..

I promise you will never ever let you go away from my sight..

I Laugh at the reason..

Funny it is to understand the wave of expectations..
As you are only left with consideration of hesitation..
Realizing in acceptance of the fate and left with a date..
There is all the more no option left...except to wait...

I being an emotional fool trying to explain..
Give it a shot, irrespective of thinking about the gains..
But the only words I hear..is of "IF's and But's"
And ultimately it leads to the aggravation of excruciating pain...

Never ever given a chance to change the decision..
Else it was in every one's mind...making it the point od confusion..
Let me add the view point for clarity...
Was the "NO" left as the only word fullfilling the formality...

Its not the blame I want you to be associated with..
As it was in me...who is empty inside..not to be your destiny..
Hope you could understand the wishes I have for you...
I have always loved you..."IF" you could hear the words more than the truth...

Redefine myself..again..

Happiness has a new definition today..seeing you accepting the fate...
And its this feeling of now nothing can go wrong....beckons me to remember the date..
Off course..with you getting bottomed out to the core..
There is absolutely nothing bad can happen...as you are now tied to the floor..

With rise up being the only....chance in which you can bet..
Perhaps that has actually made me somewhat..calm..and I can hope to plan with no regrets..
Thinking of you again and again..makes me...deceptive of the truth..
What if..my so called self contentment is a again going so shake me to the roots..

Now, its not about the ability to stand up and move on...
But betting it out on the correct one's...and not regretting is better than just by simply associated with being gone..
I am not able understand....why I always stand up..and hope to see you around..
As inside I know..I am still living in my own world of hoping to be actually found..

Did you ask me..by whom...I guess..you actually know my "ONE"
As its all because of her.I have got the strength to stand up and begun..
To the unkown that beckons me to come back..and be what I was..
Only to wish to seek your hand and rise up...and lets capture the loving moment with a pause..

I am sorry....but spare a thought..

Its too easy to speak your mind and point out mistakes for omissions..
I consider you to imagine..from the parents viewpoint..
Who knowing the fact accompany their child in every situation..
And Easy to explain the condition of not having an association..

Been applauded by many with different adjectives to consider my rejection..
No longer I blame you..of me being short and baggy....I completely understand your position..
The joke of every time is me..who sometime is rejected..for many obvious reasons..
But the best thing..is altogether blaming it on my destiny..

You ..yes you..all are also responsible for making me what I am today..
Sitting like helpless chaps..reciting the words of fate...till this day..
Giving me the reason to freak out.....from my clothing to actually gauge you...
Spare a thought on the parents...who have come up there living a dream of truth..

Call it to be a late pass....that I am actually not able to see you..
Time and again...they remind me..you are up there somewhere...
I wish and pray..to make please expedite and make it too soon...
Its been a hell here till date..please come and take me...to your own moon...

Wash your linen and rise above...

I wonder ..if at all the words and the expressions I use have been abused..
Repeating them all the more again....hoping that they can somehow breach the lines..before you call me insane...
What actually pains is to see me being judge by the perception of the people around..
And the physical traits actually counting on me...worst it feels..and much more than it sounds..

The anger some what grows in me..that if et all... the fake world is left for me..
Making them hard to realize ...to rise above the rest and believe...
Apart from giving up...I somehow dragged it till here..
Hoping for a turn around every time..wish you can find me...hiding up there..

I have actually lost the essence of seeing you in me..
Counting the reason's....which I ask myself..how can I rewind it and consider my destiny..
There are plenty of examples..which explains the expression to me...
The only difference is in the words you speaking....trying to confuse me..but the decisions remains same thats what I always feel...

If I could make you understand to see me from inside....
But how could you ?...I admit its only possible if you have lived me..and allowed me to speak..
What a heart wants to make out from the various emotions that have no association with words..
Yes its true..even the dictionary will not do justice to the meaning you give to me..so let me clean myself and reach that peak..