The "LUCKY BASTARD"......Failed expectations and Only myself to be blamed......

Confused as a HELL??..and I am myself to be blamed..

I happened to visit a place today..What a scene..I mean what a scene..I was busy counting the number of couples seated..And in fact to be true I did not got a seat for myself ( I was alone..but not even a single seat..common !!!)..That's when this word came to my mouth .."Lucky bastard"..simply could not control myself from laughing like hell..And people watched me..glared at me..and stared at me..and the Barista wala person also started laughing...But he was at least happy to offer me a take away..An exception , but the gesture was well received and actually no words spoken....I mean that's the perfect communication..your body language well read and well received..And I am not a gay..But that's how you relate it to some one, or I mean to any one.The best example could be even feeling the sensation of "MOSQUITO bite" ..

How hard can you take it and still keep moving ahead...

And the name "LUCKY bastard" is for me..Reason..I do not have one..Lucky!! in what sense i cant figure it out and a BASTARD..In many sense to myself..I am the most unexpected, unrealistic, add more adjectives and go on..and that's what I am...Do I belong to this world ??..I suppose its a good one!!.
Could actually write to infinity about it..Confused..its a big yes..I do not understand the simple facts..I am not programmed for this..I admit my weakness..

"Either you are into it..or you are not into it"..can there be more than 2 POLES...I discovered one recently..MIDDLE POLE..please don't laugh..That is actually the safest one to be in...call it professionally or personally..But I do not belong to this POLE ,i mean the genre. You have to give your 100%  every time with your heat out, in every sense.That's what I have been doing since all this long professionally ..And was a bastard..Never every realized I will be stuck in the POLE again..What's next..I do not know..IT (I mean my mind) has stopped..so has the appetite..Food lost its taste..and I am again on "GROUND ZERO"..And boy it came as a surprise to me..I mean to myself..

My blog asks me ..do you  have FMEA (Failure mode effect analysis) for this ?
or else the 8D or Fish bone diagram or DFMEA or FTA....and I go on a hang mode..similar to what Preity Zinta goes in "Kal ho na Ho"..
Or do you plan to start "double PARALLEL BLOGS" ??..
finally Blog said ..."TERI TOH WAAAT LAG GAYE MAMU"..
The only question I am not able to answer why me ??....or is it there as of ME ??

This is where the "LUCKY" part comes in..
Some times I think..There is nobody to claim me as his.."I MEAN NOBODY"..Asking for a reason from GOD since past many years..And since then waiting patiently..and without complaining....I think the person is in heaven..and he wants me to come up..Is it a joke ?? Not actually..