The 13th Rejection.....

.Don't know what it takes to pass the Sunday test in the gurudwara,
Guess what..now I really do believe ..I simply do not have that aura..
Of what it actually takes to clear the big hurdle...
With a history behind me...poking every time for reason "YOU" are here..

I can count the number of tears I roll down my eyes..
Crying like a poor lady..begging for a mercy and a big face of numerous "WHY'S"...
Perhaps this is my fate of so called being the most unwanted and neglected..
It feels as if "I" am some kinda pest who is actually all the more infected..

With a height so small..and body like a big roll..
Family being "so simple"...every one considered us "ORDINARY" out of the poll...
How can I forget the adjective infornt of my "HEAVY" beard...
Reading all this ..you might seem..I am all the more a bit weard..

The introspect of my rejection has been done numerous times...
Taking it easy... not close to the heart is now all repetitive lines...
What if..I wanted you to love me so badly..
I never usually give in to any one..keeping the cards up in close sadly..

This one got four extra lines than the usual stuff...
That's because..I am trying to hide the reason for my late night ourburst..
There is only one question to ask him ..are u not here listening my cries..
When every one around is kicking me up there like a lice..

The "Unwanted" words of being "NOT INTERESTED"......

The numerous rejections in the past have taught me think what it takes to be an "unwanted" one..
Uninvited....and foolish combined in one....looking at the world above you...making your fun...
Off course me standing at the receiving end...uttering those words that its not et all said and done..
Do you hear what I am saying in from there...or is it now you also want to go away and disappear..

I understand your position of fear from my subconscious obnoxious mind..
Most of the time it is this ..that had kept me grounded...looking away else were with a hope to bind..
So called dreams that were actually imagined in the past...yet foreseen..
The hesitation I understand.& so is your position,the truth is.its got all the way more filled with gloomy scenes

Staying afloat and hanging in there does not seem to be an option...
There seems no other way from here....being submerged in without my own oxygen..
Being stuck in the past and unable to move on is my only mistake..
Do I behave as if..I am dragging myself slowly back to the earth from my own moon with a handbag of fate..

I might not have the best shape...or the height or the looks or the money you ever wanted....
Its was an unconditional faith I had in you my one..perhaps that is the reason..I got this..
Simplest and easiest way is to utter the golden words with a phase to move on..
Just a request..of stand up in here with me....and try to repeat the golden word with the view from my eye of what I see....

Rewind yourself......to that hour of having FAITH...

I stand in here facing the wall...trying to figure out the emotions inside me...
Simply not able to see myself..Oh yes...thats the foolishness which describes my present state..that I am trying to set me free...
Moments repeat the lousy story again...me again trying my luck..what else....Is gifted by the pain I hope not in vain..
Perhaps I should never stop writing cursing myself ...of why I gave up on you...have to admit..I was actually never trained..

These were the most beautiful moments that I shared....I might not have been able great to actually explain..
With 90% of my brain occupied with you....and the rest equally distributed to come up with a line how much I love you in that frame..
Sweet as it may seem....obviously has an abrupt association with that face..
With me cursing my time.... and trying to simplify and understand the reason of coming out of that phase..

Cannot is the word I hear aloud around my ears....breaking the monotonous theme of being stuck in the river of destiny..
Have myself to explain and to refrain from going back to the previous state......of investing my oxygen to see.
The future of us together and forever.....such short lived will be my moment of truth..
You caught me off guard..when I was plucking the flower....thinking as my timely ripe fruit....

Sorry state of affairs still continue..taking me back from were I started my prayer to god..
Gift me with a reason if you are there ...challenging the existence of his creation with one word...
If you can listen to my lines and understand what I am going through...
Please ...I beg you to give me someone to love......as if my "ONE" has been specially made by you....