Free Myself..

Something is left in me..that reminds me of you...
How much hard I try...but love always come better of me...in these blues..
I have to find...may I repeat the words..find the reason to hate you..
Unknowingly makes me much more closure to you...I admit.."I still do"...

It has never left me..though with it..I was much more composed and happy..
And you can call it to be my perception..of reclaiming my trophy..
None of it was actually true..as I myself was unknown..
That it was the faith and trust...acting as a shelter for my one...

Which helped me to move along and make you believe..
We were too good as a couple..as it was our destiny indeed..
Never ever it happened ..which forced me to think back..
As forever it was..thats all I hoped it to last..

May be some one got the best of me..and took you away..
Is it that you decision was influenced and the perception changed..
Whatever expressions and adjectives I might think this time..
Truth is you are no way near close to me to shine...

Time table..

It begins with remembering the time when you wake up..and wash your hair..
Can't tell you...how it felt seeing my watch repeatedly..and the only thing that helped was that I care..
Of course for you...I was busy understanding what the patience actually means..
As before that .. seriously..I was as always confused..

Keeping a track of the activity what you will be doing this time..
Will I disturb you in the middle..as that was the last thing to say with a fine..
But it was hard for me to take you out from my head..
An uncanny face...revealing you the truth that I am in distress..

No matter how hard I try to escape from your dream..
Its always there on the back of my mind..asking for a repeat..
To be true..I could never get the best of you...call it to be my expectations..
As they were always pointing up towards the moon..I understand it was too soon..

Never was my intention of not to understand your situation..
Guess..it was too early for me to hold my myself of the anxiety in consideration..
Whatever may be the reason to track the activities you do..
The only intention was..I should never let you go of myself....as it was the view..that was my only truth....

What do I actually want ?? :)

It has again come a full circle to haunt me back..
Saying it again..will actually not allow me to correct my mistake...of leaving you just like that..
May be I was too weak..to understand your position of believing in me..
What ever was the reason..I believe its me..who left you to be lonely..

If I would have loved you the way I wanted..
Perhaps would not have seen this day..and called myself to be haunted..
Who else but me... reminding myself of the mistakes made in the past..
You were always with me...I guess..I was being unfair..judging you too fast..

Everything now seems to disappear in a flash..
With you no where near...and I keep on reminding myself of being compared to a trash..
What if..I could take back the time..correct myself of being short lived.
Its true..you would have actually given me..what I wanted..only thing was letting you trust my virtue..

At present I am only left with my "IF" and a far flung hope..
Of never to see you in my life..just like a curse that is planning me to drove..
Myself away from you..And I failed miserably hoping for a repeat times..
Guess..I can only pray..till the God actually blesses us..together to shine...

Black Pawn...

Its better to compare yourself of being black...
That was the best I could do for you..
Some time me..but most of the time its the heart that is stuck believing in the truth..
And do not try to relate..it with my previous fate..
But yes..I know..it has helped me to understand the situation off late..

Its the smile I miss on my face..that was there all through..
Reason was different ..but I was counting you as my moon..
Perhaps you are always right..I was mad to be imagining it to be so soon..
Was it an endless wait..Yes it was...but for me the decision came early as than expected..that too at noon..

For me..being with you and loving you was the only expectation I had..
Guess..that was too much for me....the reason why..you left me just like that..
Being mum and standing up there..
The decision was unfair..seeing it from my place here..

But how could ..I confront you with my problem..
When I know the solution is not there as you were not my one...
I accept the fact..of being no good for anybody..
Only wish I have its that some how I can find..who is my trust worthy..