My last post..I have stopped writing..Reason..I have hurt the one who has "TRUSTED ME completely"..

I do not have adjectives and words for this one..I wanted to have "she" in my life..I messaged her and went away from facebook..She replied to me after some days about my blog..I was happy to have found the one..Then I wrote about her..and asked her plenty of questions to know her..Asked my father for help.which they did as I am being their son..I have not had a good past in the relations and have had difficulty in coping with them..Ask Ankur, uday and More importantly Tiny didi..This one is the promise to you three..I will not leave anything un turned to set it right.

I am the one who have disturbed the life of an innocent person, who was more than just happy in her own world.. Just to have "MY" dream of something I have ruined it..I am not a good person to be with..actually selfish one..Irrespective of the fact considering the plight and condition of other person..I have used such words for her..who "ONLY" and "ONLY" by trusting me have had the will to take first step..And I have let her down in every word or sense I can..Call it in a blog..or within myself..I am the man who pursued HIS own dream of having the one..I have taken it to be a "THING"..rather then nurturing it with dignity and respect and I have blasted it completely..

I am sorry to have let all of you down..I have had started the blog for the one to be closer to it..But it ended up being my "DUSTBIN" of ideas to be dumped.. Irrespective of the fact of taking the plight of other person into consideration. I have hurt many people knowingly and un knowingly with the language and words used in any point of time..Its like Putting an idea in some person's mind..asking her to be on a boat..and then abandon it in the middle of the sea..I hate myself for have had been actually done like this..Reason.."PATIENCE"..what words people speak about me are true..My father says me to have patience..my sis..tiny didi...ankur..uday..and you..Yes there is a problem in me..I get excited to early and then get demoralized to easily..Most of the closed one's have left on me as of this..My school friends do not talk to me as of this..My college mates are only 2 to 3..I have no office colleagues..My be as of this..May be I am wrong..happy with my blog..or is it my "SO called assumption"..that I am happy with it..truly speaking I am not..I walked 30 minutes from metro station to depot just to see the building..and then going back again..

I know going to a gurdwara will not help..I know the ardass will not help..I know seeking an apology from any one of you will not help..I only want to see the one happy in every sense I have had made her sad..and Just a wish to god..If you are there.you are free to do anything to me..to make the one happy..and turn her like she was..she is a better person than me...she has actually "TRUSTED " me...knowing the fact how I am ..means how "I am"..I may not have the courage to write the bog again after reading her mind in the blog...I have her blog open infront of me..The words are like a slap to my face..and yes I deserve this..She has trusted me going all the way by opening her heart all along..and what did I give it to her..My "BAD words"..BAD means worse..I could do ...Only a request..I know you do not like me..I know..you do not have trust on me..I know you do not want to talk to me..I know with every word of yours it killed me like any thing..My didi stopped talking to me..My friends said you are wrong..My sister said you have hurt an innocent one..All of them could not be wrong.including you..And I am wrong..I could not realize what sharing a song meant..I never realized what sharing out the heart meant..I never realized what the girl wanted to say..I never realized what she actually conveyed..I never realized what she wanted to say..

Only me being an impatient person has given me and shown the door out..from my self respect..

I admit I am a wrong person..I also know I have no way to set it right..
All I am asking is for 1 chance..to set it right..

I am SORRY...and I will WAIT (with PATIENCE of SHE, "as you are better" and not MINE).. I mean I am a FOOL..I know...I am a bad BLOGGER BOY.

I am sorry..you meant more than a world for me...

I am having a picture of you as my wall paper..I am sorry..Could not resist myself..I am sorry...And I am a DONKEY..all the bad names associated with me...but please come back..I am a selfish person..and I want me to be happy ..not respected other person's feelings...I am sorry..please.. 


I am an a mad man..I got to know it today..specifically in my way of a "BLOG"..I PUBLICLY TENDER AN APOLOGY to the "ONE" and I mean " THE ONLY ONE"..and I AM AN ASS...I want you to be happy ..and will wait with your PATIENCE and not MINE..You are one the best thing that could or would have ever happened to me lately..I kept on searching for you on net..and used help of external resources..I went to your work place..just Gazed at your WHITE building on the highway.reading the hindi and English description of it.. I heard you song  "N" number of times..But did not have guts to say it to you..Dear "*******" I have no hesitation to admit like a mad person.

."I LIKE YOU"..

Not more by a dozen...not by a fraction but more than what I LIKE MYSELF..I know you would have heard this from me in previous chat..But it is this way I am BORN..Ie mad actually..I cannot help..but my cerebrum and cerebellum are not developed in this front..and I need "YOU" to guide me through this all along..All my dreams were dead Till I met you..and now I want them to make it true through..Buying you a new car..making you learn how to drive... Dropping you off to your college..and then picking you up and taking you to "HALDIRAM"...all that I have planned...what an ass bag I am...


This is a DUMB man..saying sorry...and apologizing in public that he is wants you to pllllllllllllllsssssssssssssssss.....give him one more chance....i bet you will not regret this "EVER"...........

I am sorry..its written in "BOLD"...and "underlined"...You have all the right to "scold me"...you have all the right to beat me...you have all the right...

One thing you should know that all this ..I mean all this has been done to be WITH you. Asking every one to be meet you at a common platform was all done ..as I wanted you more than me....I never ever said those words to you..and In case they have hurt you..I take them back...It was never meant to hurt you..In any sense and I am a a big fool....and I AM SORRY...Please forgive me...

100th Post.. Anniversary...of Me,MY BLOG...and "HER"...

Two sides of a coin and a BLOG..

I am actually happy today to celebrate my anniversary with you..At times at every hotel or restaurant I dine, the column that is ONLY left blank is "YOUR ANNIVERSARY"...And the answer I write on it is "TBD - To be decided" and not "NA - Not applicable"..Reason..For this I want my partner to answer, who has been in the exile and hiding spree from the past 26 years and 7 months..I guess she could have been born after me.so technically speaking I have waited more than her.. And its her turn to reply now..I know she is really busy but this is simply just not the way to treat your "ONE"..Common yaar enough of the wait..Please show up soon..And I am tired to keep that column empty, it adds up to my embarrassment na !!..Its simply not fare et all...I do keep talking to my self for the introspect about me..Who am I actually ??
What purpose I am here for ?? Perhaps I got some what close to an answer during today's 2 hour morning katha in Rakab Ganj to celebrate the anniversary....

And you all who do not read my blog with concentration, will be sad to know that I am a centurion now...I mean now you will be able to find 100 torturous posts, trying to kill you in every sense..Make you mad, crack your brain..And Many more..Worse for you, the average has also been improved..Why ??
Perhaps you , reading the blog knows the answer in your brain..People will come test you and leave the funnel as it is..And some time the test tube breaks..My friend you have an uphill task of amending it..Its only for your betterment..Else you will be put aside in trash bin , leaving to rot...

What we have or had was simply "BEAUTIFUL"..and I have cherished every moment I have been in it. Simply magical, as I am short of words to describe it exactly..Every thing was done from a true and a pure heart and intention..What if I have lost, the respect and love still remains intact..You want the other person to be happy ..That's the first and foremost point in any sort of a relation, with killing your own ego and selfishness... Hamara Kya hai.."ACCEPTED again in his (GOD's) name".. My bike some time's ask me, you have always ridden on me alone..I only have a word to say to her..and that is "I never ever found a CREDIBLE partner"..So its worth while ridding alone till then..

Happy birthday - To my BLOG.

Today is your birthday my blog.
You have completed 100 post with me.
Thank you for being there when you are need the most,
And I am arranging for a party with me being your host.

I have cried with you lied with you,
Just to sum up in one line, I am no one with out you,
An identity , my mirror of truth ,my wish for future..
Words are less and you are a family for my in any attire..

I could not have been like this without you,
One of the best reason I have preserved "HER" in and with you.
Hope that some day some where she finds me in you (Blog).
Just a wish make it quick , I just want to spend my noon with my MOON...

From Guru Grantth Sahib - Hum Nahe changeee bura na koe..

That is how I TRUSTED you..

I was lucky today to capture one of the best moments in a metro..

A girl crying on a cell phone..probably I know the reason why ?

A couple knocking off their head in a accident..and then laugh riot begins !!

Married couple holding hand while one is sitting, while their eyes kept on talking !!
A pregnant lady being moved off very slowly to women's compartment by her husband !!
Offering a seat to a old man !!

You touch all these great moments by a day, and feel proud to be an eyewitness to them. Indeed it feels great, considering the plight or condition I am in...Self respect and being true to yourself is all that matters to me in any condition Everything has to be transparent as a glass to start anything, with no ego off course..I have never in my life offended anyone intentionally or un intentionally based on any aspect..Be it physical or emotional. A happy go lucky person, with a simple view towards life..To give respect and to have the same vice versa...I never ever had any expectation from any one..Just wanted a person to full fill my "DEAD" dreams..Be it of buying a car, visiting new places, buying nnn number of new things..and I know I have lost it..My inspiration picture is still a faded one..and getting shoddy as the time progresses..May be its my eye sight I am having issues with..Not clear enough to perceive what's gona happen next...

I am having issues configuring myself according to this world..Still in process of learning that even while having a clear heart and a simple wish, I am at a dead end like this..Not able to explain myself and digest the fact that what has happened..Its very very very hard to divert me from this.

I never wanted myself to be in this situation,

And I have cried a lot, feeling pensive in this,

All I ask myself..Am I a girl ?

The reply came from GOD..Don't worry son its only you have a clear heart.

So is the clear heart always ready to be beaten like this and left to die,

and why in the end its always me left to cry.

He (GOD) replied I have no answer's for it son,

Its you who always wanted and connected to be much more than having none.

Its like you have always done things you wanted, and then asked to me to give it a thought,

I say you do the things that I have asked you to do, then you will get what you want.

The "LUCKY BASTARD"......Failed expectations and Only myself to be blamed......

Confused as a HELL??..and I am myself to be blamed..

I happened to visit a place today..What a scene..I mean what a scene..I was busy counting the number of couples seated..And in fact to be true I did not got a seat for myself ( I was alone..but not even a single seat..common !!!)..That's when this word came to my mouth .."Lucky bastard"..simply could not control myself from laughing like hell..And people watched me..glared at me..and stared at me..and the Barista wala person also started laughing...But he was at least happy to offer me a take away..An exception , but the gesture was well received and actually no words spoken....I mean that's the perfect communication..your body language well read and well received..And I am not a gay..But that's how you relate it to some one, or I mean to any one.The best example could be even feeling the sensation of "MOSQUITO bite" ..

How hard can you take it and still keep moving ahead...

And the name "LUCKY bastard" is for me..Reason..I do not have one..Lucky!! in what sense i cant figure it out and a BASTARD..In many sense to myself..I am the most unexpected, unrealistic, add more adjectives and go on..and that's what I am...Do I belong to this world ??..I suppose its a good one!!.
Could actually write to infinity about it..Confused..its a big yes..I do not understand the simple facts..I am not programmed for this..I admit my weakness..

"Either you are into it..or you are not into it"..can there be more than 2 POLES...I discovered one recently..MIDDLE POLE..please don't laugh..That is actually the safest one to be in...call it professionally or personally..But I do not belong to this POLE ,i mean the genre. You have to give your 100%  every time with your heat out, in every sense.That's what I have been doing since all this long professionally ..And was a bastard..Never every realized I will be stuck in the POLE again..What's next..I do not know..IT (I mean my mind) has stopped..so has the appetite..Food lost its taste..and I am again on "GROUND ZERO"..And boy it came as a surprise to me..I mean to myself..

My blog asks me ..do you  have FMEA (Failure mode effect analysis) for this ?
or else the 8D or Fish bone diagram or DFMEA or FTA....and I go on a hang mode..similar to what Preity Zinta goes in "Kal ho na Ho"..
Or do you plan to start "double PARALLEL BLOGS" ??..
finally Blog said ..."TERI TOH WAAAT LAG GAYE MAMU"..
The only question I am not able to answer why me ??....or is it there as of ME ??

This is where the "LUCKY" part comes in..
Some times I think..There is nobody to claim me as his.."I MEAN NOBODY"..Asking for a reason from GOD since past many years..And since then waiting patiently..and without complaining....I think the person is in heaven..and he wants me to come up..Is it a joke ?? Not actually..

Marriage and Sales office GHAZIABAD....Poles apart..NOT NOW actually..

Thank you..for cheering me up..Including Gulati Sir..

Some one said....."Being married to some body is like going through nine yards"..Yes we all have had our shares of failures..Some are though memorable to make , break you, bend you, mend you in many ways that you cannot actually imagine..As they say.

"GOD punishes the one the most, who he LOVES the most"..

And I am happy to be the loved one..

How can we forget our sales office Ghaziabad. We were 7 "UNMARRIED" person in it, thinking of a "PUJA" to make it happen..But I guess one of our colleagues has broken the jinx in such a manner that, we all are closing our PPAP (Production part approval process with the approval of the pilot lot ) in third quarter itself. A target well achieved and calls for a toast.. I was the odd one out, and they give the reason "YOU CHANGED THE COMPANY"..may be ..But now the get together's are much more fun. The "entertainment has doubled and so has our bills..and who is complaining ??..I mean none..The togetherness still remains irrespective of the fact that we do not speak with each other for weeks..But as a call comes, it starts of with "SAALE KAHAN THAA??"...yaad a gaye...toh zaroor kuch kaam hoga....

Hum hai rahee pyar kee....Hum se kuch na boliyea...
Joh bhi pyar se mila..Hum usee ke ho liyea..

It was indeed a strange fact...and It was like a curse, but some how now the things have worked in so well they are hard to stop by..From going to parties to actually enjoying. I mean I am "laughing" in every photo..We belong to the rapid fire generation .

We actually want to have all the thing, without going through the pain..

Call it to be perfect..or else focused..But a well executed is half done. You have to play perfectly unless its complete.. I mean done till the end. From the heartbreaks to the blog..to the booze ..to the late night without sleep..to cry alone with a pillow..to hiding your face, when its yellow...I wish I can be ant..So much focused in its work, that she can actually gives inspiration to many people..Its not over unless its over..We are born like this to give a tough till the end, and never to quit..Some time we fell down ( in a marriage), frustrated, help less, speechless...unconvinced..died down..lonely..But you have those beautiful words to speak to "I LOVE YOU"...Oh my my..hearing that, your wife is "unconditionally yours"..I am happy for all of you..Arvind..Harvinder..Sunender...Azad..Vipul..Aftab...You are the blessed one's to have found the "ONE" in your life. I pray for your happiness and may you get all the love and affection of your loved one....I never told you, why I am like this...May be latter..as this blog is dedicated to all of you..I am happy to see 2 phones in your hand...Escaping from the table for loo, and coming in after an hour feeling relieved...oh ho...its not like you think..its the phone that has helped to actually  get him relieved...from the LIVE FEEDS to the "WHAT's APP usage to reply to the message..from the calling cards to the flowers...from the gifts to get just a glimpse of her..Consider your self lucky and blessed..Its the best thing that could have ever happened to you all..I know you will not be reading it anyway...but your names have been marked with bold..just to get an Idea..I value the time spent with..

Wishing you all a very happy married live..courtship period..May GOD BLESS you and your partner with lots and lots of lovely and beautiful creations in years to come..

Thank you.. 

I am actually honored..

I will not write about this..as its too personal to share in public. And should remain between individuals.