Angry for''LOVE''.......

I always found myself in the middle of every problem.Might be because of the reason that i have habit of saying the truth.that too in a simple and an inefficient way..to which people always react with the strangest of reaction......''bull shit'',''no truth'',''filmy'', ''you are actually lying'',''you are actually saying this,but you do not mean it.....just to name a few...

the special one....

would love to laugh and cry with the special one.or laugh till i die or cry with it.and love the special one as if only she existed in this world..that's how that special one is special for me..till date never found out who is who..tired of lies,and promises.but its the difference that sets apart.

Would love to kiss the person as she laughs, to hold the person till we are on earth as last. Thank the god what he has given me in past.wake up every day seeing the face, wishing ''good morning'' as it makes my day.tried and failed many times..thank you god as still i am not able to define who do i need. Probably a person so true, not afraid to feel and say out loud...
I love u,i love u, i love u and i faint hearing that sound.

Don't knw why m writing all this, want people to read and make me feel.how badly i need some one special...but all i say, that special is in me, in my lines all time..but its the time that is taking its curse to paint the face, till then will have to make with the rhyme.. My fav line

''its your life, so make it large''
''don't just live in this world to breathe,but live for the moments that take ur breath away''

off lately tried to connect,but left only with my eyes all wet.foolish and having no self respect at times. But or guru's have said to love our enemy..so in this case the person just hurts you knowingly. Never to repent but say out loud,you are the reason that special one is still behind the clouds.

toh aaj aap kise khush kar rahe hain???

just saw this ad on tv..really hats off to the mind blowing concept behind this add..could easily be counted as the best ads ever made..went to my old dealer in hari nagar''rajiv motors''..and met the gate man ''rajiv'' and''ram bahadur''..they told me that they have not got any gift this diwali..

Just took them to om sweets and made them to buy dhodha and pannner kulchas..felt happiness as of this particular add..aacha laga unko khush dekh kar..

best of times.....much needed....thank you god...

thank you god for everything you have given to me ..i could not have asked for anything more than this..its ultimately all and everything given by you....when ever you think you are going to fall apart,he gives you a hand to move on insome other way of life..
One of the Best lines i have ever heard..
''trust him when he leads to a dead end,
and you have no other option but to jump...trust him either he will catch you or learn you how to fly''

its my wish that i die with a free heart..means there should not be any one in this world to whom i have hurt intentionally or other wise also..thats the reason i want to thank everyone for what they have made me today....the thank also goes to those who have hurt me...but still i want to be frnd with them..as without them i would not hve been like this..

As a matter of fact the experience or the things you get to learn from this is simply magnificient..it breaks you down to hell,and then you have to rise upto the occasion to make yourself count..
I love the way i am..hurt but ready fall again in the unknown...isimply love you god..and thank you again for everything.

tears still roll down...

only expected the truth and nothing else...some of the people simply do not realize how much important and how much necessary it is..even if you are doing your last final good bye..that atleast the person is going with a free heart, who can trust some one in future again..i laugh at myself about what i have done. How can i complain if this is and was my choice,and then how can i explain..


Just wanted to put all the theories to rest,
as have never ever passed in this test.
Some call it pain and other's insane,
hold my hand,to stop me from going in it again.

Hard to explain and to believe,
the reason is still you in these lines,but its the truth i seek.
Again and again its the same old lines,
some time its the rhyme, but most of time i am unable to define.

I cry,i love,i still put you infront of the faith i have in him,
was it destiny or a wish that you wanted me as a string,
so that it could be played at will,
as i still stand in the rain hoping to start or end it up that hill...

lonely...

do we always need or do we always act or do we always knew, and rest of the time i do....waiting and waiting for the best i mean and i feel the best to happen...just the way i want, simple and straight..we always never ever expect how we can and in what form we can have happiness from this world..

From people - have had many''beautiful failed experiments done on me''...but now i have started counting them as my stepping stones.....they come and go.destroy you completely..you just lick ur wounds,and stay there..now have mastered the art of anger management.

always me with me...

happiness can also be found being at peace...whether you are free at heart,know the no one will be there for you..then you share it alone..sing the tone you like,sitting at ease..amd yess no ome will understand why you are still happy in it...guess the next hand knows if you are lonely, the other hand will hold it...to fake it that you are not alone..why fake,or just i want to think that its the only way i can some how control my self with this bluff...


I want to believe in this bluff,
and yess for it i have had enough,
for the first time i am not having the strength,
to continue forward,but it has to end.

Today or tomorrow faith is all i have,
and all before it are sorrows,
its always the same every time,
happiness is all i want, but why is it always sublime.

being late

never wanted to be late for any sort of an occasion..but was late for the first interaction..and o boy i was or i am extremely sorry for what happenes..but can be clearly attributed to the mismanagement of time..may be and it is too much..i apologiese for that.....waise bhi i am very much frustrated that i screwed the morning.and rest as u say it followed..mood thoh khrab heee tha..so it just continued along...

I am Sorry....But I Still love you..

I never wanted to say this thing to you. But had no other option but to leave you.. I love you for what you are and what you have given me in Life. I am sorry for saying anything wrong or bad..

Wish and hope you forgive..

UNNAMED....Part of "IT"..

"Ena aankhan vicho hanjuu vagdee,"
"Pyar ehna kita see, oh v sochda hona,"
"Ke kehde rab naal ishq kita,"
"Chup chapp hee "USDA BHAANA MANN" ke , aap hee apna lahuu peeta.."

Eyes have not dried. Just another ending to a classic so called "MY LOVE STORY". Explanations, suggestions are plenty. But what about the hard work put in to start some thing. Perceptions keep on changing time and again "TO BE OR NOT TO BE"..Have I expected too much from this world. I suppose I have. "WRITING SKILLS ARE GOOD"...BULLSHIT..Cancelled my official meeting in Himachal,tried to prepare it for it a week before. Some how kept my anxiety at bay..I also confronted the person, its very much hard to resist it now.."So lets meet up"....Mental agony or a piece of cake..What ever. Can see my self picking the broken pieces of shattered heart, blood flowing in from the hand.The audience of course laughing it out. You fall down, bend your back, eat the dust, but the comes the sympathy.."I NEVER WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN"....GOOD MORNING, its the reality now..

How much time it takes to put back the broken pieces back to the heart?? ANY IDEA??
WILD GUESS?? Never experienced. Must have been on the other side of line..GOOD FOR YOU..And you only hear the sound of it..

Do not find FAULT...

Please do not find Fault..Aise bando ke saath aisa hota rehta hain..Life hain .Chalti hain..Rab utton sab dekhda hai..Thank you for teaching me how to love, how to live. World has been amazing in the past 15 days. I some times thought as If I am living in some dream. Always had some thing in mind, "DARR" and now same has happened..But happy with the creation of the GOD..Would love to in "IT" or be "STILL IN IT"..Time ka pata nahi lagta, itna mast hota hain..Talking in Petrol Pump for 2 hrs on 1st August( Chandigarh, 44 sector), was one of the most wonder full time I could imagine....

Was 15th Day ANNIVESARY....

Sometime I laugh, and rest of the times I cry..And its true I am, me, myself to be blamed for my so called "THIS SITUATION"..Each and every time I try or else some how try to relate, compromise, but actually try to convince my self. That I am in a Goody GOODY situation. And now its the end of every thing, rest will ultimately be good. Too much DESPO for "IT TO HAPPEN"..Allowing time and again people to walk away with a victorious snap saying " CONQUERED AND DUMPED", That too without any fuss..Was like a piece of cake, and they also would have never thought it to be too simple.." AAP NAHI SAMJHE" , "MAINE TOH PEHLE BOLA THA" , "KOI AUR HOGA APKE LIYEA"...Kya baat hain....Phir FUDU KHICH GAYA...

First RELIANCE ka phone and now TATA ka..Wonder what's next..and haann..the person finally says " MESSAGES DELETE KAR DO (2 days before this - Just wonder if every thing was pre planned, what ever), PHOTO UDA DO, DELETE THE RECORDING OR SAVED CONVERSATION's" agar kee ho bina bataye....Dump the old stuff and start a fresh..Gusaa, some times I think ke...........................................





Was waiting for this thing to happen,
But not that much soon,
Now the sequence has changed from "MY MOON" to "FORGET ME SOON"

I guess the planning started from a day or two before,
Now I know, why old messaged were requested to be deleted,
And the picture asked to be trashed,
I guess or I know "I WAS BEING MAD"

There is no so called "TRUTH IN IT".
As every time you know to share it,
To others its the same as BULL SHIT..
Continue to say and make the other person feel you are unaware,
but may I ask, Do I look like your MARE..

I still like to be with you,
But you need GUTS to confront the TRUTH.
Let it prevail, if you want the other person to understand,
As now the words alone won't say or mean "IT WAS NOT PLANNED"




Fudu haain, Budhu hain seedhe hain,
But don't know ke is mein RULES heee toh nahi hain..So every TRUTH is a LIE, Every promise to be BROKEN....So keep guessing!!!

Only the TRUTH....Let it prevail.....

Only and only the truth, and let it prevail.If it happens to be the reason of your failure today. "Bahut saara likhan hai abhi"....Happiness don't know what it is. But from the last Saturday was on cloud nine and was about to meet "MY GIRL"..Reached late last night, and I have had asked "MY GIRL" what to wear. I wore the best new T Shirt I had, and believe me my parents were also surprised " MUNDA KITHEE JA REHA HAI??"...Went to the Gurudwara to pray for the best thing to happen.But As some thing else was planned, Just had an intuition that some thing, some thing would go wrong. And it exactly happened like it..Booked a table in Cafe Coffee day ( B Block exit, towards Panchkuian Road) bought 2 chocolates to be gifted as a surprise to "MY GIRL" by the staff there.. Still standing there writing this blog in the "SECURITY GUARD's SHED"..Actually, I had my lunch with him.." USKE SAATH BAITH KE CHOCOLATE KHAYE"..and then "LUNCH"..He even offered me a "DRINK"...Bola ke "SARDARJEE ISKO PEE LOO,SAB THEK"..but kya kare nahi peete...Uski shift 8 pm pe change hain.and I will come back home by then...

For the first time in my life I now know how it feels when people say " I LOVE WALKING IN RAIN",As no one actually knows UR"CRYING".. Saala rooh rooh ke haal kharab kar liya..when he was the one who lend me his shoulder..

Koi bolta hai "PARENT's ki problem hain" koi "Friend is not awake"..Let them decide what it is. Gussa Bahut hain, "But sikhaya nahi hai waste karna ghar waalo ne kisi Cheez ko"..As everything is precious. Was a 15 day old crash course..would take a time to get, but at least I am back to my so called " MONOTONOUS" writing style.but the positive thing this time is that, I am having ideas of 2 separate individuals. Still in madly in LOVE with "My GIRL"..But let it be fictitious one this time..As it was just a game being played.With me the new entrant , I am sorry a "NEW AMATURE PLAYER" being introduced. Just stressing the fact on AMATURE..Feelings,personal life shattered in matter of a message "CAN'T HELP"....But DILL WADHAA CHAIYEDAA hunda ee..and I am proud of my DIDI and my 2 friends and of course my family who completely understands me..Gussa dikha ke kuch nahi hota, you actually pull the mud on the other person and then same is poured on you. So let it as it is.

And if it has to happen by some how. It will happen. Waise will be going to Amritsar on 20th August so will obviously be praying for "SARBAT DA BHALA" as always..But thank you for another lesson, yess it was learnt hard. But what ever it was it was nice and good, or else mind blowing..Wishing "GOOD NITE", GOOD MORNING", BYE" all with "PYAR SE"....DIL se kiya joh bhi kiya, so no REGRETS....But aacha lagta hain, when some one wishes you that, woh bhi "ITNA PYAR SE"....And if some one asks ke where is the person..

"I WILL SAY SHE IS THAT MUCH CLOSE, THAT EVEN WITH MY EYES CLOSES I AM NOT ABLE TO SEE HER"

Updating my STATUS on BLOGSPOT and not FACEBOOK..just kidding.but NERVOUS MOMENTS captured from the bottom of my heart...

So close….so close, sometimes becomes difficult for me to breathe, forget about sleeping.. Not able to take you out from my mind, and each and every time fear of loosing you at any point of time. To me it’s the air I breathe with, world where I live in..Seem’s kinda old fashioned and shit at times..Best words that it can be described is “Killing me SOFTLY”..Negative thoughts just started pouring, don’t know from where. That’s when decided to write this. As no one was there up close with me to understand it.

Can be called a LONELY man..and this blog at times has proven to be my best friend. As I can easily explain the so called my “PLIGHT” of me in it..Some times I think that do I need to be under going some sort of conflicts (Mental one) to be able to write about this….and as Mr Panjaj Udas has said in his song “ JAANAM AAIHISTA KEEJIYEA BAATEIN………….SAANS KA SHOOR BHI NA SUN PAYE NA SUN PAYE”…….Aur AAHISTA KEEJIYEA BAATEIN”……

So how do I know that you are near mee…I just close my eyes and can see you holding my hand..Simple as that…Heart has become calm like a sea, as if no other wish ever existed in this world. And it seems I cannot ask for anything more from this world…my words will not end and I can keep on writing about it, but words are few so just wanted to save it for the other best moments to happen….As they always say that let it grow on you, and now I am beginning to experience so called LOVE for “MY GIRL”….

Reason is YOU.."MY GIRL"......to love you more..Sorry for that, But can't help...

Truly said, feeling's can't be described, nor the happiness. But as a seed needs time, hope, water to grow into a tree, same is with LOVE. Just the context in which the words are used is changed. Here the tree is "TRUST" which need FRESH AIR to grow into a strong one. Have had a problem of being too much pushy at times. But thanks to "MY GIRL" I am learning to manage the things a bit. Whether it be striking a balance between the personal or professional life or patiently waiting for the best thing to happen. At times becomes difficult to control it, But its again "MY GIRL" whose picture is always in the back of my mind to control me... "MY GIRL" is simple, cute, true from her heart, rock solid and not to forget her voice…Rest is within me..and won’t write here…


But to me, the person has just come as if GOD was waiting for this to happen. Surprised, shocked, just can’t figure it out where its taking me. But for the first time in my life I am confident and sure of it. As you actually need a person to understand you and take the best out from you. Till all these day’s just for once I felt some thing, but I assured my self and the next person “I will take it forward”….Have started praying for it pass off peacefully, can call it to be bit selfish…But he is the “REASON” for everything and he is the only one to be asked for everything. To me LOVE is some thing as SACRED as WORSHIPING….Immature, childish but that’s how I feel the other person is to me and is for me….Most of the times I am not able to describe my self, as with time some thing SLOWLY DIED in me ( To me I feel it’s the ability to express myself)...But God only knows what it is.. M Trying to regain my self and will do for this person in particular..I have no problem in admitting that because of this “MY GIRL” my family found the OLD DIMMY in me..I every time thank her for it..And I confronted same thing to her..Actually I feel “MY GIRL” is a complete package that comes with ADD ONS( Will not mention them here)….”MY GIRL” is “ONE or I guess “BEST” thing that ever happend to me….

I LOVE you “MY GIRL”….
Apologies if I have said anything wrong..

I LOVE YOU........ "My GIRL"

Where am I, What should I write,
Okay, let me laugh as I recite,
I guess this is how it happens…

In the absence u can see it,
In its presence you can feel it,
And when with her you know she is it..
Perhaps the only one you know,
Who will love you more than you sow..

I close my eyes to realize if its true,
Want to cry, to find am I into you??
A drop falls and rolls down the eye,
Happiness or love, I guess both are reluctant to express themselves,
And yess I am also shy..

I know there is one up in that world who is happy,
From me or from you, thank you GOD for everything new.
Word are few, and I guess it happens like this,
Best pen, best song, best ambience still can’t write my miss,
And I know is all because of you thy bliss.

Everything happens for good,
And Every time it has happened for the best.
Now I can say with faith, hope and trust,
There is always a one in this world who will say,,
“Can I take you out from the crust ??”

I guess or now I know,
I LOVE YOU, that’s for sure…

My LOVE story..

Was happy in my own small world,
When it happened,
Too soon or too fast,
But did’nt had anything to complain at last.

Ideas and expressions are same,
Hope it does not vanish saying I am insane.

Mixed reactions and hesitations follow,
Even though I know its not hollow,
Can’t write ot explain,
As I myself is figuring out what’s next in the game..

Each day....I laugh with it....Remembering GOOD TIMES.....

How much your life depends on it,
Early it might sound, but I am really sick…
True it is, as the zeal inside is dependent on it,

Everything you see is about your own world,
As others hold the key to your words..
Shit some time it is,
Couldn’t tell how much you are really pissed..

It’s a bird with which you wanna fly,
They have wings, but you have sold your brain to that pie.
Now who do you have with your broken heart?
Telling every one the story as if it’s a piece of art...

Experiences are always heard,
Not boasted with a piece of curd..
It’s the best I have had each day,
And I loved you that day, to every time today….

Hope I miss you each day,
As it adds to the faith, that I have god with me everyday..

Another one..........for LOVE...

Never wonder that I would be able to find ,
The exact person as I have always described in my lines.
Would ever it be true,
and the person will be able to do justice to my blues.

Am I expecting too much ,
from the one whom I have never ever touched.
Or is it my so called fate..
As usual I am too early,
But to me I am always too late..

Want to be not just any person but a friend,
Being with you I can only pray that the road never ends.
Have an age old historical problem of being optimistic at times,
And I myself do not know how you always come in between my lines.

Too early to say what fate the destiny has for us,
Will accept everything in his name without any fuss....

DESTINY...

Never wonder that I would be able to find,
Exact person, as what I have always described in my lines.
Would ever it be true,
That the person will take me out from my so called blues.

Am I expecting too much,
From the one whom I have never ever touched.
Or is it my so called fate,
As usual I am too early, but to me I am always too late.

Want to be not just any other person, but a friend,
Being with you I can only pray that the road never ends.
Have a age old historical problem of being optimistic at times,
And I myself do not know how you always come in between my lines.

To early to decide what fate the destiny has for us,
Will accept every thing in his name, without any fuss..

Source of so called "MY HAPPINESS"....

Ever imagined that what's the source of Happiness! but we all know that who is to blame for our so called sadness or else madness. We can easily be called selfish in our own terms and conditions. And we always curse him when we are in any pain or problem and also when the life is not going our own way. The ability to still stay afloat and cling to the light ray of hope

I am POOR!!!...any Problems?? - IT COSTS MORE TO BE POOR....

I usually get free around 6:30 pm from my office in Okhla. And it takes me 35 to 45 min to reach to Dhaulan Kuan (probably half of my battle with heavy traffic is won at this stage). The only neck breaker or else the worst jam I am usually stuck is at Kirbi Place red light. Standing motionless for about 10 - 15 mins and see the traffic in the opposite direction passing by. Four children all in the age group of 6 - 12 years are waiting for the vehicles or else cars to stop, so that they can earn their living. One of them is selling flowers and others small toys of children. Its worthwhile to mention that they are probably having one the best negotiation skills.

The question now that needs to be asked is that how come they are in possession of such expensive toys and great fresh looking flowers. I am diverting from my topic , which is, what is the fault of them that they are in this particular situation. Does god any time see how much suffering or pain his own children are facing in this world.
Same was the condition at Nehru Place where children present at them were even not having clothes to wear, and we including me were busy having a great lunch. How pathetic. Is there any way we can help them, or just we can watch them as mute spectators and see them passing by in the our back view mirror...

Are we at such a position that nothing seems worth while to us in this world.. And we can laugh at ourselves for being help less, immature, self centered, egoistic creature...

God Knows....Lets hope and give them a chance to feel how special they are to us and to this world. And perhaps you out there reading it can start a change..As the change to begin and improve is within...

Stay blessed my friends..Hope you are not poor at heart, mind and self confidence.

Yes...Its true Expectations does hurt...and that to BADLY!!!

Was just a thought today,
Don't How it became life for me,
Have I heard them wrong,
Or does she really mean to pass it on.

Have a lot to learn from and in this world,
Every day is new, just hope for it to work.
Nervous as I may seam,truth is a lie,
Perhaps that's always I have mean..

Most awkward situation is this,
can't pretend every thing is peaceful as it is.
Why I am again writing it all to long,
Perhaps I want you to find out the meaning behind my songs.

Just a request to you,
And again I guess I expect some thing in return from you,
As our love is new,
Please don't wash it away from your face like a morning dew..

SPECIAL PERSON's in my LIFE

One of the very best things in this world come unknown. Perhaps that's why we never realize how much important they were to us. And that's were we always forget to thank the god for helping and taking us out from the precarious situation. As to doubt his (God's) power is that like we are asking as if the world does not exists . Never ever forget what all he has done to your life. As time and again he sends some one to you , for it you only have to open your eyes...

Thank you for sending some or perhaps some great friends to me, and I am proud to tell every one that how much they all mean to me. They have at times made indispensable contribution to make me a better person more than what I am today..

Perhaps I am enclosing some beautiful pics of all the persons that have till date mattered to me the most..

What IF???

What if I had a girlfriend??
What if I had finished my graduation in Delhi??
What if I had friends or to be more appropriate female colleagues??
What if I had a great job??
What if I had a great life??
What if I was the next Bryan Adams??
What if I was not me and some one else??
What if I never ever had a blog??
What if I had every thing??
What if I owned every thing??
What if Love could be bought??
What if I could go back to time??
What if I was full of happiness??
What if I had 48 hrs in a day to spent??
What if I was not too much free to write this??


Ever imagined the word "IF"??
Just think about it....

Need HELP!!!

Need help..Is any body listening.

Breaking of the JINX of a RELATIONSHIP..

For the first time in many months I am actually writing a blog after being inspired from some one and the latest 87th so called poem was written.Could very well be called a co incidence , but to me what I feel its destiny. I might seem too much optimistic about this, but have nothing to loose.

The ability to say or else confront what you really perceive is the thing that matters the most. Am I closing in too quick or else too fast which could shake this up..could very well be true. Hesitation or else ego what other perceive could easily creep in an relationship. But I am keeping my fingers crossed, hope I get lucky for the VERY LAST TIME...

Wish me luck..