What do I actually want ?? :)

It has again come a full circle to haunt me back..
Saying it again..will actually not allow me to correct my mistake...of leaving you just like that..
May be I was too weak..to understand your position of believing in me..
What ever was the reason..I believe its me..who left you to be lonely..

If I would have loved you the way I wanted..
Perhaps would not have seen this day..and called myself to be haunted..
Who else but me... reminding myself of the mistakes made in the past..
You were always with me...I guess..I was being unfair..judging you too fast..

Everything now seems to disappear in a flash..
With you no where near...and I keep on reminding myself of being compared to a trash..
What if..I could take back the time..correct myself of being short lived.
Its true..you would have actually given me..what I wanted..only thing was letting you trust my virtue..

At present I am only left with my "IF" and a far flung hope..
Of never to see you in my life..just like a curse that is planning me to drove..
Myself away from you..And I failed miserably hoping for a repeat times..
Guess..I can only pray..till the God actually blesses us..together to shine...