I am sorry....but spare a thought..

Its too easy to speak your mind and point out mistakes for omissions..
I consider you to imagine..from the parents viewpoint..
Who knowing the fact accompany their child in every situation..
And Easy to explain the condition of not having an association..

Been applauded by many with different adjectives to consider my rejection..
No longer I blame you..of me being short and baggy....I completely understand your position..
The joke of every time is me..who sometime is rejected..for many obvious reasons..
But the best thing..is altogether blaming it on my destiny..

You ..yes you..all are also responsible for making me what I am today..
Sitting like helpless chaps..reciting the words of fate...till this day..
Giving me the reason to freak out.....from my clothing to actually gauge you...
Spare a thought on the parents...who have come up there living a dream of truth..

Call it to be a late pass....that I am actually not able to see you..
Time and again...they remind me..you are up there somewhere...
I wish and pray..to make please expedite and make it too soon...
Its been a hell here till date..please come and take me...to your own moon...

Wash your linen and rise above...

I wonder ..if at all the words and the expressions I use have been abused..
Repeating them all the more again....hoping that they can somehow breach the lines..before you call me insane...
What actually pains is to see me being judge by the perception of the people around..
And the physical traits actually counting on me...worst it feels..and much more than it sounds..

The anger some what grows in me..that if et all... the fake world is left for me..
Making them hard to realize ...to rise above the rest and believe...
Apart from giving up...I somehow dragged it till here..
Hoping for a turn around every time..wish you can find me...hiding up there..

I have actually lost the essence of seeing you in me..
Counting the reason's....which I ask myself..how can I rewind it and consider my destiny..
There are plenty of examples..which explains the expression to me...
The only difference is in the words you speaking....trying to confuse me..but the decisions remains same thats what I always feel...

If I could make you understand to see me from inside....
But how could you ?...I admit its only possible if you have lived me..and allowed me to speak..
What a heart wants to make out from the various emotions that have no association with words..
Yes its true..even the dictionary will not do justice to the meaning you give to me..so let me clean myself and reach that peak..

Free Myself..

Something is left in me..that reminds me of you...
How much hard I try...but love always come better of me...in these blues..
I have to find...may I repeat the words..find the reason to hate you..
Unknowingly makes me much more closure to you...I admit.."I still do"...

It has never left me..though with it..I was much more composed and happy..
And you can call it to be my perception..of reclaiming my trophy..
None of it was actually true..as I myself was unknown..
That it was the faith and trust...acting as a shelter for my one...

Which helped me to move along and make you believe..
We were too good as a couple..as it was our destiny indeed..
Never ever it happened ..which forced me to think back..
As forever it was..thats all I hoped it to last..

May be some one got the best of me..and took you away..
Is it that you decision was influenced and the perception changed..
Whatever expressions and adjectives I might think this time..
Truth is you are no way near close to me to shine...

Time table..

It begins with remembering the time when you wake up..and wash your hair..
Can't tell you...how it felt seeing my watch repeatedly..and the only thing that helped was that I care..
Of course for you...I was busy understanding what the patience actually means..
As before that .. seriously..I was as always confused..

Keeping a track of the activity what you will be doing this time..
Will I disturb you in the middle..as that was the last thing to say with a fine..
But it was hard for me to take you out from my head..
An uncanny face...revealing you the truth that I am in distress..

No matter how hard I try to escape from your dream..
Its always there on the back of my mind..asking for a repeat..
To be true..I could never get the best of you...call it to be my expectations..
As they were always pointing up towards the moon..I understand it was too soon..

Never was my intention of not to understand your situation..
Guess..it was too early for me to hold my myself of the anxiety in consideration..
Whatever may be the reason to track the activities you do..
The only intention was..I should never let you go of myself....as it was the view..that was my only truth....

What do I actually want ?? :)

It has again come a full circle to haunt me back..
Saying it again..will actually not allow me to correct my mistake...of leaving you just like that..
May be I was too weak..to understand your position of believing in me..
What ever was the reason..I believe its me..who left you to be lonely..

If I would have loved you the way I wanted..
Perhaps would not have seen this day..and called myself to be haunted..
Who else but me... reminding myself of the mistakes made in the past..
You were always with me...I guess..I was being unfair..judging you too fast..

Everything now seems to disappear in a flash..
With you no where near...and I keep on reminding myself of being compared to a trash..
What if..I could take back the time..correct myself of being short lived.
Its true..you would have actually given me..what I wanted..only thing was letting you trust my virtue..

At present I am only left with my "IF" and a far flung hope..
Of never to see you in my life..just like a curse that is planning me to drove..
Myself away from you..And I failed miserably hoping for a repeat times..
Guess..I can only pray..till the God actually blesses us..together to shine...

Black Pawn...

Its better to compare yourself of being black...
That was the best I could do for you..
Some time me..but most of the time its the heart that is stuck believing in the truth..
And do not try to relate..it with my previous fate..
But yes..I know..it has helped me to understand the situation off late..

Its the smile I miss on my face..that was there all through..
Reason was different ..but I was counting you as my moon..
Perhaps you are always right..I was mad to be imagining it to be so soon..
Was it an endless wait..Yes it was...but for me the decision came early as than expected..that too at noon..

For me..being with you and loving you was the only expectation I had..
Guess..that was too much for me....the reason why..you left me just like that..
Being mum and standing up there..
The decision was unfair..seeing it from my place here..

But how could ..I confront you with my problem..
When I know the solution is not there as you were not my one...
I accept the fact..of being no good for anybody..
Only wish I have its that some how I can find..who is my trust worthy..

I can't...

Not able to express and say...what I actually want myself to narrate..
Words are not enough to weigh my emptiness that you left me to hate..
Tried and lost a lot many times to keep myself way from my fate..
But every time I want to see you...I am greeted by that close gate..

Which has shown me the reality of my forgotten days..
I tried to find myself after that..but it seems I am still stuck with not one to help me in that maze..
With the faith and hope now sounding as a lost dream to my destination to you..
Despite the truth ....somehow not able to digest my blood as a food..

Lost and found is the part of life..if only I could have realized...
Not to have missed you ..and let go away from my eyes..
That at present living in a dream world seems to be the only way out from this phase..
Its the memories I cherish ....and cannot control myself to look back..remembering the good old days..

If I could hear the  " I Can't" aloud in my ear..
Trust me that would have been much more than sufficient to make me disappear..
Its the lie that I want to tell you....that I have forgotten you and moved on..
Perception might be true..but in reality..I still wait on that path...hope you can see me..standing on that road..

Emotionally freak ....call me to be weak..

I can see you laugh at me.....saying to be..."you are mad".
To be honest..I accept the feedback...only asking you ..how can you arrive at this fact..
Is it my inability to express my state of distress to you..
And you thinking that my words...describe me...still stuck in my blues..

You cannot be wrong all the time.....and I appreciate those lines..
But even though..giving me the courage to move on..I expected a better design..
Of the consolation prize you have handed over to me...by pasting me as a good man..
If that was the case..why not you ??....and you actually left me for some to claim me as an obligation..

Definitely an explanation was and is due.....but forget it..as it will never change what we have as our dues..
Could give me a reason to improve...after all....its just mere a silly "expression"  to diffuse..
My present state of mind..in order to align myself...
You might feel..I am living off...and passing my life still living on that shelf..

Never mind..I always have given my best to make you feel comfortable..
Even if..I might not have been actually stable..
That feeling is slowly fading away..
Don't know why you always come again knocking at my door...come again lets play..

The Blogger boy say's sorry but not thank you :-)

Nevertheless what has happened and what will happen..I say thank you..
For making me what I actually am....would not have been possible ..and I accept the truth..
There has been many instances that I quote to make myself believe..
I can come out of any situation ...and its not the help I always seek..

Its very easy to make a layout of an object..
But too difficult unless you crack and grind it multiple times till you know what you actually it to get..
At times its and easy pass for the so called acceptance criteria..
Frankly speaking ..I have never really set the limit..which is actually a hysteria..

The value is never really realized ..unless you weigh the tears in your eyes..
Which certainly come along..but expecting a rain to hide them behind your lies..
So easy to move on and expect some thing more from our life..
What if..its you only who I actually wanted as my wife.

I mean..its so sad and depressing at times..narrating myself on the blog as a broadcast..
Wish is,  it would have not happened if I would have found my "ONE" at last..
Yes, you are true I am stuck on my past to inspire my emotions to come out with my lines..
But its easy to say...and you also know its hard to lock the heart deep inside those mines..

Some how I always come back to you :-)

Despite the fact...I am have had no success..with my "one"...
Don't know why I still believe ...some day for me it will begun..
When the mornings will actually be greeted with  a smile..
Expressing the love what I actually have in my eyes..

You would also now consider me obnoxious..
Trust me..I have actually never been much more than describing me to be anxious.
Forget it...I mean of me and my so called explanation of not being with you.
You always have had an option of coming back to me..after reading my blog with the so called sad news..

How could you never even bothered to call..not replying my messages..
As I lay down there with a never ending hope...counting the day's as if it has been ages..
Every day its a mixed bag of emotions that come to play..
Some saying let it go..to be true..it easy to say..but to hard to pray..

Still , I want you more than anything else in my life..
Never really know..when I will be able to see your face..as to me it a precious prize..
For which I have had my share of long never ending wait..
I wish and pray to say it to you....lets meet and make it a memorable day..