I can't...

Not able to express and say...what I actually want myself to narrate..
Words are not enough to weigh my emptiness that you left me to hate..
Tried and lost a lot many times to keep myself way from my fate..
But every time I want to see you...I am greeted by that close gate..

Which has shown me the reality of my forgotten days..
I tried to find myself after that..but it seems I am still stuck with not one to help me in that maze..
With the faith and hope now sounding as a lost dream to my destination to you..
Despite the truth ....somehow not able to digest my blood as a food..

Lost and found is the part of life..if only I could have realized...
Not to have missed you ..and let go away from my eyes..
That at present living in a dream world seems to be the only way out from this phase..
Its the memories I cherish ....and cannot control myself to look back..remembering the good old days..

If I could hear the  " I Can't" aloud in my ear..
Trust me that would have been much more than sufficient to make me disappear..
Its the lie that I want to tell you....that I have forgotten you and moved on..
Perception might be true..but in reality..I still wait on that path...hope you can see me..standing on that road..

Emotionally freak ....call me to be weak..

I can see you laugh at me.....saying to be..."you are mad".
To be honest..I accept the feedback...only asking you ..how can you arrive at this fact..
Is it my inability to express my state of distress to you..
And you thinking that my words...describe me...still stuck in my blues..

You cannot be wrong all the time.....and I appreciate those lines..
But even though..giving me the courage to move on..I expected a better design..
Of the consolation prize you have handed over to me...by pasting me as a good man..
If that was the case..why not you ??....and you actually left me for some to claim me as an obligation..

Definitely an explanation was and is due.....but forget it..as it will never change what we have as our dues..
Could give me a reason to improve...after all....its just mere a silly "expression"  to diffuse..
My present state of mind..in order to align myself...
You might feel..I am living off...and passing my life still living on that shelf..

Never mind..I always have given my best to make you feel comfortable..
Even if..I might not have been actually stable..
That feeling is slowly fading away..
Don't know why you always come again knocking at my door...come again lets play..

The Blogger boy say's sorry but not thank you :-)

Nevertheless what has happened and what will happen..I say thank you..
For making me what I actually am....would not have been possible ..and I accept the truth..
There has been many instances that I quote to make myself believe..
I can come out of any situation ...and its not the help I always seek..

Its very easy to make a layout of an object..
But too difficult unless you crack and grind it multiple times till you know what you actually it to get..
At times its and easy pass for the so called acceptance criteria..
Frankly speaking ..I have never really set the limit..which is actually a hysteria..

The value is never really realized ..unless you weigh the tears in your eyes..
Which certainly come along..but expecting a rain to hide them behind your lies..
So easy to move on and expect some thing more from our life..
What if..its you only who I actually wanted as my wife.

I mean..its so sad and depressing at times..narrating myself on the blog as a broadcast..
Wish is,  it would have not happened if I would have found my "ONE" at last..
Yes, you are true I am stuck on my past to inspire my emotions to come out with my lines..
But its easy to say...and you also know its hard to lock the heart deep inside those mines..

Some how I always come back to you :-)

Despite the fact...I am have had no success..with my "one"...
Don't know why I still believe ...some day for me it will begun..
When the mornings will actually be greeted with  a smile..
Expressing the love what I actually have in my eyes..

You would also now consider me obnoxious..
Trust me..I have actually never been much more than describing me to be anxious.
Forget it...I mean of me and my so called explanation of not being with you.
You always have had an option of coming back to me..after reading my blog with the so called sad news..

How could you never even bothered to call..not replying my messages..
As I lay down there with a never ending hope...counting the day's as if it has been ages..
Every day its a mixed bag of emotions that come to play..
Some saying let it go..to be true..it easy to say..but to hard to pray..

Still , I want you more than anything else in my life..
Never really know..when I will be able to see your face..as to me it a precious prize..
For which I have had my share of long never ending wait..
I wish and pray to say it to you....lets meet and make it a memorable day..

Used, refused, confused.....like a fuse....

Time and again..people come and spit on your face..
What do you do..go to them...showing them wiping it up with disgrace..
It happens all the time...when you let some so much into you..
Best is to get yourself compared being blind..

Of no reason to what soever you have made your life a hell..
Knowingly not awaking from the dream to realize the truth..guess you are still waiting for that bell..
Which will never come...stop yourself of being an object of fun..
I am not a saint here to forgive anyone...its time you realize still a lot is left in life to begun..

You fall with each date , each month..making you realize what you lost..
All the so called faith in him goes away in a fraction for a toss..
It makes me feel in human of not being able to move on so easily as you do..
Not blaming the intentions of a relation...but its me..who still expects much more than just a true love..

I know..I will not be able to get what I want..and is it to hard to expect what I want..
Cannot force someone to love me..but there is nobody who want's me more than me ??
Blame it on my mind who throws out an open question all the time...
And Is it to hard to say..I want you back...which I know is not possible likes my love for the rhyme...

Being Selfish even to disappear.....

Yes ..I am definitely one of the most selfish people around..
To be true I need you more every day.....and accomplish my mission of being found..
Off course by you....missing you is not a habit..
Its runs inside me...just using my blog time and again to vomit..

So called unexplained emotions let me loose of myself....its true it happens at times..
No hesitation to admit..I am still into you....and I am simply not trying to despise.
I do not want you to take mercy on me...and feel guilty of making me what I have begun..
As its the price I paid..for loving you more than anyone could have imagined and done..

Hard to explain how it feels every day....cribbing inside..hiding my tears...
Not to fall infront of everyone..But its true..I have felt your voice in my ears..
Trying to explain and move on...But what If it was so easily said and done..
Would have not sticked to you...despite the fact I am no way close to you to propose..

Yes..I do feel bad about me..being lonely..sitting in here infront of the system ..filling my world with words..
Of love..faith and hope.....thinking some how it might reach up there....As I miss you waiting on those roads..
Is actually living in the old times....expecting it to work..to see us together..
The truth is....I was not the best...only option left is to quietly disappear..

Just a Silly Stupid Blogger boy...

As I move ahead of time..so has my sub titles and name increased..
The adjectives have been changed..to my so called explanation of being subjective..
Its a simple wish of blogger boy to love you...more than anyone could have imagined..
Nevertheless...its the time to realize the reality that my wishes and hope have actually met a dead end..

If my tears could have meant anything to you..
At present you would have been sitting next to me..catching them before they fall..
You also know..this is how I could somehow..get me out from you...
I wish I could have told you..its not helping me..its the point I only want to make..thats all..

Life has never be the same..as it was..some time back..
It drops like a rain..giving me some relief...living with a lie hoping it might come on track..
Blame it on me..as its me only who keeps on looking at what happened...
But if moving on was so easy...I could have easily bucked off that trend..

I know..I will not be able to ask you for a reply..nor is I want to wish you good bye..
Its the respect and undying love I have for you...Somewhat keeping you alive..and don't feel shy..
Selfish is what you can correlate the latest of the words for living in a fantasy..
I will pray for you...hope you get the best one..with whom you actually want to be...

How could I never explain it to you..

Off late I have realized its the height that matters...forget about the sight..
Heavy beard ...a short stance..heavy built..to be true the reason's are plenty..
But all of them pointing towards a conclusion without a confusion..
Sorry is the world..which has actually replaced rejection due to fusion...

Some even call to ask the time..
Complaining and explaining the reason...of being manglik ....but all they want is the partner to be fine..
Its so sick to be out there alone..facing the wrath of time and people all the time..
God forbid..but how have we become....cursing the creation of him..and then..calling it to be divine..

It was with a simple wish and the hope I begun..
And now left with broken hands...kneeling on my knees..dragging myself....like a joke of others for fun..
But everything starts of like a sinusoidal wave...peaking up at time..but in the end..it my so called fate..
Which has always somehow..kept me away from you for some date..

To be true..I am tired of seeing so much of you..in every one..
The question every time I ask..why why why.....and why the hell..it never begun ??
Can't explain the frustration that I have in my head..
Makes me feel unwanted..as its better to have actually been dead..

To Ankur..Uday and Garimaaaaaaa :-)

I some what believed and tried hard to the extend of stealing a number from a friend's cellphone..
But after doing the same repetitive attempts..I am happy as I zoom..
To one of the most memorable phase of having a true female friend..
Who has unknowingly some how given a guiding hand on every bend..

Wishes usually do not come true like this..
Crazy it may seem..but I was left awestruck when I heard she drives a SUV instead..
I mean..who else would not have a fascination of having a girl friend who picks you up for a lunch...
Then comes the slap..to wake up..I bet ...that is how Miss Garima has shown me her new clutch..

Do I actually mind the leg pulling or else..she being some time..brutally true to the core..
Naahh..she is one of the person..who actually never lets any one better of herself..and he is kept waiting for more..
Some how..there's a question that comes in my mind..what If..ankur.uday and she would not have been there..
Can't imagine the world without them..as not mentioning their words would not have been fair..

Sorry I forgot the poem is for her..and trust me..I am not being paid..but actually made to work like a maid..
Seriously who ORDER's and sends a reminder to a friend to do more...and is asked to wait..
Sharing the song's have some what become a daily routine..
Not sure..when I will get a holiday...as I hope its enough of this scene..

Jokes apart..she is a fresh air..in anyone's lives..
Deserves much more than what she expects...trust me..she is the the one having all the positive vibes..
There is nothing much you can describe in words ahead..
As people like her..are difficult to find ..it is true to act like a protective shed.. 

Mixed Emotions...of a Silly Blogger Boy :-)

As I rewind my mind for the amazing spectacular events..
I find...there have actually been many....and not just hoping for "My ONE" instead..
Almost all of them showed and shared the love..
Some how..it disappeared ...from me..like a dove..

You see a pregnant lady..holding a child in her...
It was a moment to recon the look with the wet eyes she wore..
There could not be a much better way to thank the creation of god..
Let us show some respect....as she is the only reason for all.

Suddenly you feel..you want to father a child and hold it in your arms..
That's the feeling I have been missing lately..I know its altogether up to fast..
Might not have been able to myself with you...
And Still some thing is left in me...which is much more than I say "I do"..

And it again takes a round back from where it started..
Just a silly question from a blogger boy..why you actually departed..
Was it that I could not make you understand the love I had..
Every time..it comes as a tear from the eye....that what if...I was not like that...