A word called "PASSION".....commitment and dedication...

We grow up old believing in the truth of reality in front of our eyes,
No matter how many times your fall....what makes you the man is all those tries..
To achieve and be some one...instead of fading away ....
And as they say..there is no word as well begun..unless and untill is all said and done..

In the end its all the appreciation and respect you have for the one..
Who actually pushed you to the limit of killing yourself with a gun..
That instinct of going beyond what you have never felt..
The feeling of numbness is till the moment every thing is actually dealt..

You actually compare yourself with the same passion he has till the last run..

Is it enough ?

Sea of expectations has again hit a high tide of emotions..
Again and again its the explanations carrying the burden of situations..
Being silent at times reminds me of another face , which obviously is difficult to trace..
Battered and bruised ..but still haplessly trying to keep up with the pace..

I search in me for you...illusion ed in the belief of truth..
As it may appear and feel it to be silk smooth..
Behind the lines..lies a secret of desperation ...
Why am I actually still stuck deep in this position of repetition..

It may seam to be all over ...despite the fact I am anxiously waiting to be felt closer..
Sounds a pretty good deal to avoid a treason..admiring the pictures of what days those were..
Now all of it is left in me as a memory..buried deep inside....inching  for you to see...
There is much more than me to what you actually want with me..   

Death , the only answer for "ANY" CRIME AGAINST WOMEN....

Lost it some where...

Am I guilty of committing a crime of telling a truth of my expectations..

The other way could be to find them yourself..rather than me being stuck up with my hesitations..

I wished again for the cancellation of my wish..is actually in a fix of speaking the word "thanks" for a near miss..

Yes...I admit laughing at me..on me would have been much more than expecting a barter for a kiss..

Call it to be a re run of the previous situation...with me standing up her in a complex situation..

What ever is the word yes had a meaning....it was never with any reason of not having any feeling..

My writing have gone from complex to confused as I always sound like one these days...

Guess..If I could write them off from me....coming back to the old ways of scoring goals..

Is like standing up there infront of each other..with the thinking poles apart..

The only easier way could be digest your food with a big long fart..

People actually recon with handling the toughest of circumstances as an art..

Putting myself in the shoes of being close to that position....makes me feel..I am falling apart..

The question what I ask..if it was never there at start...then why do I still keep hanging up...

Perhaps I am greeted with the most awkward remark...of trying to make up for things every time I drop..

Explanations for the reactions pop when I move my face away from the wining combination...

For the rest of my life...I Ask "Will have to live with the face saving disgrace of not having any hesitation while consideration"??

Up here again...

To be reminded of the fact that "I lovED you"....is a strange on my part..
If I could correct the words...."I lovE you" was always there on the dart..
Needless to repeat it again in here....when you know inside its still not there..
How hard you try to isolate yourself from the world of expectations...I guess with love it always come in pairs..

With eyes close and heavy breath I try to find myself in the crowd..
You are no where in sight..perhaps we were not supposed to be here..
Forced to look on my wrist watch..to find a button to rewind..
For heavens sake I desperately need you before I turn blind..

Feelings are much more hard to express in this state..can barely count the day when we had our first date..
Comparisons are drawn up there on the wall...Which I am desperately trying to crawl..
Hoping against hope of making it up there...to restart my heart..
But I know the truth...may be I am happy this way sinking in slowly as a fading star..

Makes me realize the truth ..I will never be able to find the one to love the way I want..
Only left with the words to mock me on the simplicity of truth...
Explanations were never sufficient to kill the weight of my expectations...
Truth is.....it sank before it started...and as always culprit were the situations...

Complex as it gets....

With the expectations rising to a all time high of every situation...
I find myself in the most complex position of following a tradition...
Every time it is being review with twice the scrutiny...
As if I have been a part of or have committed a mutiny...

Just a simple silly wish to be with someone..
Is often branded with being "decisive" and too soon for the furore to begun..
Has often happened with me..at times..and the juice is simply not worth the squeeze..
But ultimately....you are never understood...usually mistaken and always forbidden..

Some times by the fate and the destiny...
This time it was new, as my own doubted the decision , could also be associated with the plea...
The result is by far too clearly visible..
What I expect is not from the heart....and now just a mere completion of task I wore...

Still do not understand how complex is the reaction of a "yes" or a "no" is..
May be me being too young for planting a kiss to my miss..
Just landed in the controversy from no where near associated to my hesitation...
Let me repeat the words if I may...Was an evening spent in the dream better than asking for a day..?? 

The 13th Rejection.....

.Don't know what it takes to pass the Sunday test in the gurudwara,
Guess what..now I really do believe ..I simply do not have that aura..
Of what it actually takes to clear the big hurdle...
With a history behind me...poking every time for reason "YOU" are here..

I can count the number of tears I roll down my eyes..
Crying like a poor lady..begging for a mercy and a big face of numerous "WHY'S"...
Perhaps this is my fate of so called being the most unwanted and neglected..
It feels as if "I" am some kinda pest who is actually all the more infected..

With a height so small..and body like a big roll..
Family being "so simple"...every one considered us "ORDINARY" out of the poll...
How can I forget the adjective infornt of my "HEAVY" beard...
Reading all this ..you might seem..I am all the more a bit weard..

The introspect of my rejection has been done numerous times...
Taking it easy... not close to the heart is now all repetitive lines...
What if..I wanted you to love me so badly..
I never usually give in to any one..keeping the cards up in close sadly..

This one got four extra lines than the usual stuff...
That's because..I am trying to hide the reason for my late night ourburst..
There is only one question to ask him ..are u not here listening my cries..
When every one around is kicking me up there like a lice..

The "Unwanted" words of being "NOT INTERESTED"......

The numerous rejections in the past have taught me think what it takes to be an "unwanted" one..
Uninvited....and foolish combined in one....looking at the world above you...making your fun...
Off course me standing at the receiving end...uttering those words that its not et all said and done..
Do you hear what I am saying in from there...or is it now you also want to go away and disappear..

I understand your position of fear from my subconscious obnoxious mind..
Most of the time it is this ..that had kept me grounded...looking away else were with a hope to bind..
So called dreams that were actually imagined in the past...yet foreseen..
The hesitation I understand.& so is your position,the truth is.its got all the way more filled with gloomy scenes

Staying afloat and hanging in there does not seem to be an option...
There seems no other way from here....being submerged in without my own oxygen..
Being stuck in the past and unable to move on is my only mistake..
Do I behave as if..I am dragging myself slowly back to the earth from my own moon with a handbag of fate..

I might not have the best shape...or the height or the looks or the money you ever wanted....
Its was an unconditional faith I had in you my one..perhaps that is the reason..I got this..
Simplest and easiest way is to utter the golden words with a phase to move on..
Just a request..of stand up in here with me....and try to repeat the golden word with the view from my eye of what I see....

Rewind yourself......to that hour of having FAITH...

I stand in here facing the wall...trying to figure out the emotions inside me...
Simply not able to see myself..Oh yes...thats the foolishness which describes my present state..that I am trying to set me free...
Moments repeat the lousy story again...me again trying my luck..what else....Is gifted by the pain I hope not in vain..
Perhaps I should never stop writing cursing myself ...of why I gave up on you...have to admit..I was actually never trained..

These were the most beautiful moments that I shared....I might not have been able great to actually explain..
With 90% of my brain occupied with you....and the rest equally distributed to come up with a line how much I love you in that frame..
Sweet as it may seem....obviously has an abrupt association with that face..
With me cursing my time.... and trying to simplify and understand the reason of coming out of that phase..

Cannot is the word I hear aloud around my ears....breaking the monotonous theme of being stuck in the river of destiny..
Have myself to explain and to refrain from going back to the previous state......of investing my oxygen to see.
The future of us together and forever.....such short lived will be my moment of truth..
You caught me off guard..when I was plucking the flower....thinking as my timely ripe fruit....

Sorry state of affairs still continue..taking me back from were I started my prayer to god..
Gift me with a reason if you are there ...challenging the existence of his creation with one word...
If you can listen to my lines and understand what I am going through...
Please ...I beg you to give me someone to love......as if my "ONE" has been specially made by you....

A "THANK YOU" that shaped me.....for my "ONE".....

The sudden outburst of emotions has off lately been a usual practice....
Mixed reactions follow every time I look back for the reason of a missed kiss.....
A laugh with a tear flows down the face...I wonder its been days...
Since I saw you in front of me...holding a "play card"...asking u to love me with 1000 diff ways...

Fate full "Sunday" as I might describe it every time...hoping to break the jinx..
Yes its "you" who has actually pulled me back again with your "lovable" tricks...
Relax ....my "ONE".. You might be unaware of what you have actually done..
It is much more than I requested "GOD" for...keeping my finger's crossed as its well begun...

The smile and the laid back attitude,represents a feeling trying to slowly seep in...
Never felt like this before...as if its all the way me and you going to win...
My lines and words have some sort of a confidence and optimism hidden in them ..thanks to you..
A sigh of relief..is some what visible in the air I breathe...desperately trying to clear the cloud of the blues..

Imagination is the "culprit" here..who actually wants u to fly on it wings...
Forcing and testing my patience time again...strangely holding my hand to "play" with those "love" strings..
Its a never ending desire of having a "perfect" ending of happily ever after...
Finger's crossed and let's pray there are no more twist and turns ...and we reach our destination together..but a tad faster....

Lost Somewhere in "YOU"....

Tried a lot many a times in past to collect myself out from the thought...

Of leaving it there..and intentionally avoiding drag on to avoid a drought...

Again stuck in the viscious circle of "right" and "wrong"...

I do not need an explanation to make me "assume" you are gone....

Completely understand the situation, that these lines and so called word will not do the justice..

To the emotions that still roll down as an outburst...hoping to laid them to rest with a kiss...

Yes..I accept I have lost you to the "unknow"...

Fail to understand why at 2am....I still do "moan"...

And continuously try to replicate the "fact" and "situation".....

Probably to find a reason..to explain my never ending frustration...

These so called "intrusion" clutter my inner self to find the path towards solace.

It has slowly broken down the "belief"....and I know no one will be able to take that "place"...

Desperate measures to keep it alive were unanswered every time....

I am not a stalker ...but had a wish to mix myself in you as "my" lime...

Life full of "irony" has replaced my words of "faith" and "hope"....

You can find me "standing" in there...as you also know I never left you and "drove"...

Scroll down..."you" SHORT MAN........

I know...most of the times I have not been true...
Can't stop...and had to say those words..before I they were for you...
Yes...I accept...it might now feel you strange..
Was not a trick...but its just I wanted you back ..desperately in that frame...

Every now and then..I had to make u realize..
Its not over...and can't you just see me happy behind those blue eyes...
I know..this conversation now will not have any feelings...
Call it to be my "luck"...and the word "forever" now hold no meaning...

Obviously the words used here are all the more outdated..
Repeating the same thing.ever time..with you thinking me being sedated..
Its not the way I wanted myself to react..
Guess..what.it was much easier to say then to travel time back...

The lines though have lost the very essence of being true from my heart...
I know you must have felt..."I must be prepared as the blogger boy is again going to fart"
Its not the emotions that I want me and you to hide..
Let me repeat again..to love and forget some is not that easy..as if you are rolling up the dice... 

Passive Obsession....with a "Red light"...grows everyday...

What makes me write this is the words that I only have in consolation..
Which actually are no where helpful to make me rise up from the disastrous state of isolation..
He only knows who I should beckon and fall upon and seek solace..
I know..you once jokingly said...nothing lasts..and so is the pain behind this phase..

Never did I come back to you..to say..watch me....still stuck up to find a way out from those days..
To the every one I know...this face seems to tell a different a different story..but no longer now it pays..
As they also know you left me in here..with a "sentence" to hang up for a life time..
Blamed my decision....and mockingly said..it was my and my bad craze that will never shine..

In the end it did turn back to normal...all I ever wanted was your patience standing up there..
Its hard to accept..but yes..I was never good enough for you...."mad" is the word..that actually might sound fair..
Obsession with the red light never ends..as I still have my look to the cellphone...
Shaking up my head in the distress..as it was just a "reply"..I admit I did burst out in tears and do.moan..

For that "affection" of belonging that never came...I am sorry if I ever forced you for that..
Present situation is still a bit tricky..but some how I avoid falling flat in front of my parents...admitting I have lost the track..
Of the time and the unsung "words"...who I actually wanted to be my winning score towards your heart..
Hope it may seem to fade away every day...All I wanted to know..are you listening..or patiently waiting for a new start..

Please Understand....

I accept and appreciate what you have gone through...
Holding yourself...at every point...while digesting the truth...
There might be many instances where you would have regrets...
Trust me the best is yet to come...have faith in his behest..

Some situations are best left unsaid...just like that..
Crying is the best form of an emotion..and not at all bad...
It makes you clean that already empty heart in your purse...
He is always there watching you in here with all his trust...

As these times also won't last...too long..
Sing in with the tune..that flows with that song..
No matter how hard you try to explain..
People will not be able to understand what up there in the "frame"...

Does not actually mean you need them to understand...
What you didn't say was the truth..as u wanted him to hold your hand..
A happy face does not lie and hide the inner feelings..
God is busy making some one to "repair" that leaked ceilings...

I do...

Give me the reason once more why should I love you...
I know its not you ..who have made me what I never wanted to....
May be this time ..I might get lucky to find a meaning...
Or is it I am hoping against hope for a new begining...

What ever may be the case...its the wait that has given me the strenght..
That you will come back..to hold me at that bend..
The words might feel..I am already deep in you...
Let me repeat it again....I only need to listen those words "I really do"

I have waited patiently for months to have the courage to say "hi"...
Held my heart strong...but was even prepared to hear and aceept "bye"...
The worst could have been to vanish without a try...
Let's get together ...and trust me..I will never let you cry...

Perhaps the words and the feeling never sounded so intense..
Yes..I have always wanted you like this...in every sense..
I hope u can listen me what I have never said to you..
We can be the best for each other....and please believe me when I say "I DO"

You My fruit....is the reason :)

Amazing is the feeling when I talk to you.....through my blog..
Feels as if..you are next here with me..holding you new prop..
Stuck in my own world of "imagination"...only to be with my "One"....
Some times I feel..how could you never realized missing all the fun..

With the "plan" all freezed...to perfection...and  trust me..a mere "kiss" will not be just for an "observation"..
Much more are in the store for expectations....if you could feel what I wanted to say in this situation..
Moving towards the "next"...has been some what  become a most obvious reason to find "you"..
Every time the "face" changes me to remind me.....what if...I would have said to you "I do"..

We would have been together from last summer...completing a year..
Before you ask...I would say "yes" remembering the past does hurt...and grapples me in fear...
As I say it to you..a tear rolls down my cheek in despair ....with a wish in my heart..
Hoping against hope of having my dream to actually realize.....as if it was love from the very start..

My so called state...might be a sad one...I feel broken and bruised..unable to accept the truth and move on..
But still...I am crawling at my pace to reach the end.....only to have a glimpse of you..
For me...it has always been the your love..which  has sounded up close to the truth...
What if..I was not able to taste your love as my own fruit...

Wear my shoes...you STUPID..LITTLE IDIOT "DILMEET"...

That is the reason I get....with people begging me to put me in their shoes and realize..
What they have gone through in thier life....."Stressing" on the fact..dont worry just throw the dice..
As always usually..people think and consider me as their mice..
Pulling the plug ..moving away...with the most "abnoxious" reasons..handing me their slice..

Off course..none of my "prospective" one came to offer a reason..why not me ??
Me being a stupid little idiot posed myself with many names...requesting me to set free..
So far none of this has happened to ...except for me still looking at the "tree"..
I question myself...When it actually start ??..I replied it was a "stone" being thrown...cursing me..

Used to being "symbolically"..called a poor soul...seeking his blessing's and requesting to stop ignore..
The way I have always given you my heart out..expecting some thing in return was the only mess that put me doubt..
I know..I could not have ever made you understand...
How I actually feel....sinking slowly deep inside the sand..

Worst thing I could do is to come back to you as a consolation prize..
Lucky it may seem to you..but to be true it never felt me nice..
Considering myself as a prized possesion if the feeling I ever wanted you to have for me..
Dropping off was an easy option fro you....else you would have been here....chosing the words for my destiny..

Its all over me..

Every wondered what "IF" I would not have been a part of this story..
Trust me..it would have not made much of a difference by bringing in the much famed glory..
Its the "patience" tested time and again..which gets better of me..
Easiest way to forget is blaming the destiny....and set worries free..

This too has happened a lot many times..and need not deserve an explanation which seek attention..
A humble request is to please pray and think..before the words are spoken without a sanction..
I am not here to judge you by the mere facts...but yes..I might have my own way to narrate the truth...
Call it to be selfish and modified version of reality....and.that's how..I always come out from the woods...

Nevertheless....its the failure again..don't get angry ..but please accept this my miss..
With the reason's that define the world around me..sinking me and my family..deep inside with agony..
What else we can expect..but to accept..I am not good for any one...digesting the "word" with no regrets..
If you would have heard and felt..what I never said..all this is a myth pushing me near my death..

Say it to be other way round..the actions have some how..made me near the edge of self destruction..
Its all the more rules of the "GAME"..blaming it..and moving on with a self elation..
To Laugh is the only adjective and expression I have....explaining my present state...
So much easy is to make use of the "FATE"....to forget that "FATE FULL DATE"...

Just a small stupid wish..of letting you go....

The week ends are now hard to pass by..
Looking myself in the mirror with a face that is about to cry..
Searching my phone book..and drafting a message ..in my head to explain it to you of giving  it a try..
Every time I come up with some thing...you broke me again..signing me off with a last good bye..

Can call it to be my problem that I always come running to you..
Tossing of my self respect....by acknowledging being stuck up in my blues..
I eventually ask myself..how could it be you ?? who changed so soon for good..
Usually I am reminded by others.. "move on my friend..its over"..its high time you realize the truth..

The more I introspect for the reason of falling us apart....it makes me think..
How come you go away from me....just as a blink..
Wish the time taken to explain could actually be short as my memory..
 But that was and is not the case to be..

Tried a lot to make things work..by sacrificing myself as per your own world..
It some how went in disarray .....eloping away with my own bird..
Some how..if I could make you go away from me..
I would be much more than happy to have loved and lost you....and still believe in my destiny..

Please not a COSTA GIRL again :(

What I have been searching through out this while is actually your smile...
And it has always made me happy all this while...
I know life gives you many chances to go a full circle back to where it started..
But if only I would have my say..there was actually no word as "DEPARTED"..

Yes it hit me back time and again...
With the gilt feeling always inside as hard it is to explain...
Its not like I always refrain to understand you....
Please see it from my eyes..I have never had this feeling of being stuck in your virtue...

After all this while..its hard to let the costa girl go away..
I understand its my perception, but off lately the training has made me understand this phrase..
With "Let's just give it a try" being engraved in the mind and heart as an emblem...
Please look back and see..how many "dilmeet" you have actually out run with the attitude of "FUN"...

Simply not here to correct and narrate the past mistakes made...
Time and again..I pray to you..please make it soon and let me have my mate..
Not looking for a costa girl to make a come back for enlightenment...
Its the love I want from you...and it absolutely matters if you are actually worth that spent...

I know this insane feeling..and I bet its mutual :)

 I know what you have gone through,

Keeping the cards up close not to divulge the truth,

Till the time comes near....I know what lay's beneath you besides the fear..

Some how ...that feeling has come back..finally with a smile my dear..

With the happiness actually knowing no bounds...

All I can say.....I want to do a full circle with merry go round..

And how can I explain you..how do I actually feel...

Only I can say....my dreams have been realized from reel to real..

Patience some how has paid me with a precious gift..

I will forever cherrish the memories ...with an emotional mix...

Thanking GOD time and again...

Can't actually wait to be with my partner..I know I am being freakishly insane..

Could this be the start of a new begining..

Bet it is..as this relation has established my faith in the feeling...

To love you more and more with each day passing by..

I promise you will never ever let you go away from my sight..

I Laugh at the reason..

Funny it is to understand the wave of expectations..
As you are only left with consideration of hesitation..
Realizing in acceptance of the fate and left with a date..
There is all the more no option left...except to wait...

I being an emotional fool trying to explain..
Give it a shot, irrespective of thinking about the gains..
But the only words I hear..is of "IF's and But's"
And ultimately it leads to the aggravation of excruciating pain...

Never ever given a chance to change the decision..
Else it was in every one's mind...making it the point od confusion..
Let me add the view point for clarity...
Was the "NO" left as the only word fullfilling the formality...

Its not the blame I want you to be associated with..
As it was in me...who is empty inside..not to be your destiny..
Hope you could understand the wishes I have for you...
I have always loved you..."IF" you could hear the words more than the truth...

Redefine myself..again..

Happiness has a new definition today..seeing you accepting the fate...
And its this feeling of now nothing can go wrong....beckons me to remember the date..
Off course..with you getting bottomed out to the core..
There is absolutely nothing bad can happen...as you are now tied to the floor..

With rise up being the only....chance in which you can bet..
Perhaps that has actually made me somewhat..calm..and I can hope to plan with no regrets..
Thinking of you again and again..makes me...deceptive of the truth..
What if..my so called self contentment is a again going so shake me to the roots..

Now, its not about the ability to stand up and move on...
But betting it out on the correct one's...and not regretting is better than just by simply associated with being gone..
I am not able understand....why I always stand up..and hope to see you around..
As inside I know..I am still living in my own world of hoping to be actually found..

Did you ask me..by whom...I guess..you actually know my "ONE"
As its all because of her.I have got the strength to stand up and begun..
To the unkown that beckons me to come back..and be what I was..
Only to wish to seek your hand and rise up...and lets capture the loving moment with a pause..

I am sorry....but spare a thought..

Its too easy to speak your mind and point out mistakes for omissions..
I consider you to imagine..from the parents viewpoint..
Who knowing the fact accompany their child in every situation..
And Easy to explain the condition of not having an association..

Been applauded by many with different adjectives to consider my rejection..
No longer I blame you..of me being short and baggy....I completely understand your position..
The joke of every time is me..who sometime is rejected..for many obvious reasons..
But the best thing..is altogether blaming it on my destiny..

You ..yes you..all are also responsible for making me what I am today..
Sitting like helpless chaps..reciting the words of fate...till this day..
Giving me the reason to freak out.....from my clothing to actually gauge you...
Spare a thought on the parents...who have come up there living a dream of truth..

Call it to be a late pass....that I am actually not able to see you..
Time and again...they remind me..you are up there somewhere...
I wish and pray..to make please expedite and make it too soon...
Its been a hell here till date..please come and take me...to your own moon...

Wash your linen and rise above...

I wonder ..if at all the words and the expressions I use have been abused..
Repeating them all the more again....hoping that they can somehow breach the lines..before you call me insane...
What actually pains is to see me being judge by the perception of the people around..
And the physical traits actually counting on me...worst it feels..and much more than it sounds..

The anger some what grows in me..that if et all... the fake world is left for me..
Making them hard to realize ...to rise above the rest and believe...
Apart from giving up...I somehow dragged it till here..
Hoping for a turn around every time..wish you can find me...hiding up there..

I have actually lost the essence of seeing you in me..
Counting the reason's....which I ask myself..how can I rewind it and consider my destiny..
There are plenty of examples..which explains the expression to me...
The only difference is in the words you speaking....trying to confuse me..but the decisions remains same thats what I always feel...

If I could make you understand to see me from inside....
But how could you ?...I admit its only possible if you have lived me..and allowed me to speak..
What a heart wants to make out from the various emotions that have no association with words..
Yes its true..even the dictionary will not do justice to the meaning you give to me..so let me clean myself and reach that peak..

Free Myself..

Something is left in me..that reminds me of you...
How much hard I try...but love always come better of me...in these blues..
I have to find...may I repeat the words..find the reason to hate you..
Unknowingly makes me much more closure to you...I admit.."I still do"...

It has never left me..though with it..I was much more composed and happy..
And you can call it to be my perception..of reclaiming my trophy..
None of it was actually true..as I myself was unknown..
That it was the faith and trust...acting as a shelter for my one...

Which helped me to move along and make you believe..
We were too good as a couple..as it was our destiny indeed..
Never ever it happened ..which forced me to think back..
As forever it was..thats all I hoped it to last..

May be some one got the best of me..and took you away..
Is it that you decision was influenced and the perception changed..
Whatever expressions and adjectives I might think this time..
Truth is you are no way near close to me to shine...

Time table..

It begins with remembering the time when you wake up..and wash your hair..
Can't tell you...how it felt seeing my watch repeatedly..and the only thing that helped was that I care..
Of course for you...I was busy understanding what the patience actually means..
As before that .. seriously..I was as always confused..

Keeping a track of the activity what you will be doing this time..
Will I disturb you in the middle..as that was the last thing to say with a fine..
But it was hard for me to take you out from my head..
An uncanny face...revealing you the truth that I am in distress..

No matter how hard I try to escape from your dream..
Its always there on the back of my mind..asking for a repeat..
To be true..I could never get the best of you...call it to be my expectations..
As they were always pointing up towards the moon..I understand it was too soon..

Never was my intention of not to understand your situation..
Guess..it was too early for me to hold my myself of the anxiety in consideration..
Whatever may be the reason to track the activities you do..
The only intention was..I should never let you go of myself....as it was the view..that was my only truth....

What do I actually want ?? :)

It has again come a full circle to haunt me back..
Saying it again..will actually not allow me to correct my mistake...of leaving you just like that..
May be I was too weak..to understand your position of believing in me..
What ever was the reason..I believe its me..who left you to be lonely..

If I would have loved you the way I wanted..
Perhaps would not have seen this day..and called myself to be haunted..
Who else but me... reminding myself of the mistakes made in the past..
You were always with me...I guess..I was being unfair..judging you too fast..

Everything now seems to disappear in a flash..
With you no where near...and I keep on reminding myself of being compared to a trash..
What if..I could take back the time..correct myself of being short lived.
Its true..you would have actually given me..what I wanted..only thing was letting you trust my virtue..

At present I am only left with my "IF" and a far flung hope..
Of never to see you in my life..just like a curse that is planning me to drove..
Myself away from you..And I failed miserably hoping for a repeat times..
Guess..I can only pray..till the God actually blesses us..together to shine...

Black Pawn...

Its better to compare yourself of being black...
That was the best I could do for you..
Some time me..but most of the time its the heart that is stuck believing in the truth..
And do not try to relate..it with my previous fate..
But yes..I know..it has helped me to understand the situation off late..

Its the smile I miss on my face..that was there all through..
Reason was different ..but I was counting you as my moon..
Perhaps you are always right..I was mad to be imagining it to be so soon..
Was it an endless wait..Yes it was...but for me the decision came early as than expected..that too at noon..

For me..being with you and loving you was the only expectation I had..
Guess..that was too much for me....the reason why..you left me just like that..
Being mum and standing up there..
The decision was unfair..seeing it from my place here..

But how could ..I confront you with my problem..
When I know the solution is not there as you were not my one...
I accept the fact..of being no good for anybody..
Only wish I have its that some how I can find..who is my trust worthy..

I can't...

Not able to express and say...what I actually want myself to narrate..
Words are not enough to weigh my emptiness that you left me to hate..
Tried and lost a lot many times to keep myself way from my fate..
But every time I want to see you...I am greeted by that close gate..

Which has shown me the reality of my forgotten days..
I tried to find myself after that..but it seems I am still stuck with not one to help me in that maze..
With the faith and hope now sounding as a lost dream to my destination to you..
Despite the truth ....somehow not able to digest my blood as a food..

Lost and found is the part of life..if only I could have realized...
Not to have missed you ..and let go away from my eyes..
That at present living in a dream world seems to be the only way out from this phase..
Its the memories I cherish ....and cannot control myself to look back..remembering the good old days..

If I could hear the  " I Can't" aloud in my ear..
Trust me that would have been much more than sufficient to make me disappear..
Its the lie that I want to tell you....that I have forgotten you and moved on..
Perception might be true..but in reality..I still wait on that path...hope you can see me..standing on that road..

Emotionally freak ....call me to be weak..

I can see you laugh at me.....saying to be..."you are mad".
To be honest..I accept the feedback...only asking you ..how can you arrive at this fact..
Is it my inability to express my state of distress to you..
And you thinking that my words...describe me...still stuck in my blues..

You cannot be wrong all the time.....and I appreciate those lines..
But even though..giving me the courage to move on..I expected a better design..
Of the consolation prize you have handed over to me...by pasting me as a good man..
If that was the case..why not you ??....and you actually left me for some to claim me as an obligation..

Definitely an explanation was and is due.....but forget it..as it will never change what we have as our dues..
Could give me a reason to improve...after all....its just mere a silly "expression"  to diffuse..
My present state of mind..in order to align myself...
You might feel..I am living off...and passing my life still living on that shelf..

Never mind..I always have given my best to make you feel comfortable..
Even if..I might not have been actually stable..
That feeling is slowly fading away..
Don't know why you always come again knocking at my door...come again lets play..

The Blogger boy say's sorry but not thank you :-)

Nevertheless what has happened and what will happen..I say thank you..
For making me what I actually am....would not have been possible ..and I accept the truth..
There has been many instances that I quote to make myself believe..
I can come out of any situation ...and its not the help I always seek..

Its very easy to make a layout of an object..
But too difficult unless you crack and grind it multiple times till you know what you actually it to get..
At times its and easy pass for the so called acceptance criteria..
Frankly speaking ..I have never really set the limit..which is actually a hysteria..

The value is never really realized ..unless you weigh the tears in your eyes..
Which certainly come along..but expecting a rain to hide them behind your lies..
So easy to move on and expect some thing more from our life..
What if..its you only who I actually wanted as my wife.

I mean..its so sad and depressing at times..narrating myself on the blog as a broadcast..
Wish is,  it would have not happened if I would have found my "ONE" at last..
Yes, you are true I am stuck on my past to inspire my emotions to come out with my lines..
But its easy to say...and you also know its hard to lock the heart deep inside those mines..

Some how I always come back to you :-)

Despite the fact...I am have had no success..with my "one"...
Don't know why I still believe ...some day for me it will begun..
When the mornings will actually be greeted with  a smile..
Expressing the love what I actually have in my eyes..

You would also now consider me obnoxious..
Trust me..I have actually never been much more than describing me to be anxious.
Forget it...I mean of me and my so called explanation of not being with you.
You always have had an option of coming back to me..after reading my blog with the so called sad news..

How could you never even bothered to call..not replying my messages..
As I lay down there with a never ending hope...counting the day's as if it has been ages..
Every day its a mixed bag of emotions that come to play..
Some saying let it go..to be true..it easy to say..but to hard to pray..

Still , I want you more than anything else in my life..
Never really know..when I will be able to see your face..as to me it a precious prize..
For which I have had my share of long never ending wait..
I wish and pray to say it to you....lets meet and make it a memorable day..

Used, refused, confused.....like a fuse....

Time and again..people come and spit on your face..
What do you do..go to them...showing them wiping it up with disgrace..
It happens all the time...when you let some so much into you..
Best is to get yourself compared being blind..

Of no reason to what soever you have made your life a hell..
Knowingly not awaking from the dream to realize the truth..guess you are still waiting for that bell..
Which will never come...stop yourself of being an object of fun..
I am not a saint here to forgive anyone...its time you realize still a lot is left in life to begun..

You fall with each date , each month..making you realize what you lost..
All the so called faith in him goes away in a fraction for a toss..
It makes me feel in human of not being able to move on so easily as you do..
Not blaming the intentions of a relation...but its me..who still expects much more than just a true love..

I know..I will not be able to get what I want..and is it to hard to expect what I want..
Cannot force someone to love me..but there is nobody who want's me more than me ??
Blame it on my mind who throws out an open question all the time...
And Is it to hard to say..I want you back...which I know is not possible likes my love for the rhyme...

Being Selfish even to disappear.....

Yes ..I am definitely one of the most selfish people around..
To be true I need you more every day.....and accomplish my mission of being found..
Off course by you....missing you is not a habit..
Its runs inside me...just using my blog time and again to vomit..

So called unexplained emotions let me loose of myself....its true it happens at times..
No hesitation to admit..I am still into you....and I am simply not trying to despise.
I do not want you to take mercy on me...and feel guilty of making me what I have begun..
As its the price I paid..for loving you more than anyone could have imagined and done..

Hard to explain how it feels every day....cribbing inside..hiding my tears...
Not to fall infront of everyone..But its true..I have felt your voice in my ears..
Trying to explain and move on...But what If it was so easily said and done..
Would have not sticked to you...despite the fact I am no way close to you to propose..

Yes..I do feel bad about me..being lonely..sitting in here infront of the system ..filling my world with words..
Of love..faith and hope.....thinking some how it might reach up there....As I miss you waiting on those roads..
Is actually living in the old times....expecting it to work..to see us together..
The truth is....I was not the best...only option left is to quietly disappear..

Just a Silly Stupid Blogger boy...

As I move ahead of time..so has my sub titles and name increased..
The adjectives have been changed..to my so called explanation of being subjective..
Its a simple wish of blogger boy to love you...more than anyone could have imagined..
Nevertheless...its the time to realize the reality that my wishes and hope have actually met a dead end..

If my tears could have meant anything to you..
At present you would have been sitting next to me..catching them before they fall..
You also know..this is how I could somehow..get me out from you...
I wish I could have told you..its not helping me..its the point I only want to make..thats all..

Life has never be the same..as it was..some time back..
It drops like a rain..giving me some relief...living with a lie hoping it might come on track..
Blame it on me..as its me only who keeps on looking at what happened...
But if moving on was so easy...I could have easily bucked off that trend..

I know..I will not be able to ask you for a reply..nor is I want to wish you good bye..
Its the respect and undying love I have for you...Somewhat keeping you alive..and don't feel shy..
Selfish is what you can correlate the latest of the words for living in a fantasy..
I will pray for you...hope you get the best one..with whom you actually want to be...

How could I never explain it to you..

Off late I have realized its the height that matters...forget about the sight..
Heavy beard ...a short stance..heavy built..to be true the reason's are plenty..
But all of them pointing towards a conclusion without a confusion..
Sorry is the world..which has actually replaced rejection due to fusion...

Some even call to ask the time..
Complaining and explaining the reason...of being manglik ....but all they want is the partner to be fine..
Its so sick to be out there alone..facing the wrath of time and people all the time..
God forbid..but how have we become....cursing the creation of him..and then..calling it to be divine..

It was with a simple wish and the hope I begun..
And now left with broken hands...kneeling on my knees..dragging myself....like a joke of others for fun..
But everything starts of like a sinusoidal wave...peaking up at time..but in the end..it my so called fate..
Which has always somehow..kept me away from you for some date..

To be true..I am tired of seeing so much of you..in every one..
The question every time I ask..why why why.....and why the hell..it never begun ??
Can't explain the frustration that I have in my head..
Makes me feel unwanted..as its better to have actually been dead..

To Ankur..Uday and Garimaaaaaaa :-)

I some what believed and tried hard to the extend of stealing a number from a friend's cellphone..
But after doing the same repetitive attempts..I am happy as I zoom..
To one of the most memorable phase of having a true female friend..
Who has unknowingly some how given a guiding hand on every bend..

Wishes usually do not come true like this..
Crazy it may seem..but I was left awestruck when I heard she drives a SUV instead..
I mean..who else would not have a fascination of having a girl friend who picks you up for a lunch...
Then comes the slap..to wake up..I bet ...that is how Miss Garima has shown me her new clutch..

Do I actually mind the leg pulling or else..she being some time..brutally true to the core..
Naahh..she is one of the person..who actually never lets any one better of herself..and he is kept waiting for more..
Some how..there's a question that comes in my mind..what If..ankur.uday and she would not have been there..
Can't imagine the world without them..as not mentioning their words would not have been fair..

Sorry I forgot the poem is for her..and trust me..I am not being paid..but actually made to work like a maid..
Seriously who ORDER's and sends a reminder to a friend to do more...and is asked to wait..
Sharing the song's have some what become a daily routine..
Not sure..when I will get a holiday...as I hope its enough of this scene..

Jokes apart..she is a fresh air..in anyone's lives..
Deserves much more than what she expects...trust me..she is the the one having all the positive vibes..
There is nothing much you can describe in words ahead..
As people like her..are difficult to find ..it is true to act like a protective shed.. 

Mixed Emotions...of a Silly Blogger Boy :-)

As I rewind my mind for the amazing spectacular events..
I find...there have actually been many....and not just hoping for "My ONE" instead..
Almost all of them showed and shared the love..
Some how..it disappeared ...from me..like a dove..

You see a pregnant lady..holding a child in her...
It was a moment to recon the look with the wet eyes she wore..
There could not be a much better way to thank the creation of god..
Let us show some respect....as she is the only reason for all.

Suddenly you feel..you want to father a child and hold it in your arms..
That's the feeling I have been missing lately..I know its altogether up to fast..
Might not have been able to myself with you...
And Still some thing is left in me...which is much more than I say "I do"..

And it again takes a round back from where it started..
Just a silly question from a blogger boy..why you actually departed..
Was it that I could not make you understand the love I had..
Every time..it comes as a tear from the eye....that what if...I was not like that...

Some where lost in between..

Its all of me..that I am like this..but I hope I never wanted this..
Seeing at my phone...expecting a reply..which I know will never come..
Strange time is the reality after it has ended....and you are trying to forget..
Suddenly here comes a message...when I say..it was not you..but some one instead..

For all the mails and chats exchanged..Yes I do admit..
I was glued to them....before I took a hit..
Don't why I still keep on checking the notification..
And hoping some how..you might want to message back to me..in a guilt of realization..

Some where I am lost in between you and me..
Can't figure out..what happened ..as it was supposed to end as WE..
That silly two letter word..has not got a special respect..
I am actually trying hard to convince my self..its better never to expect..

But atlast after all we are all humans..We do have desires..
Which are usually and normally not lit and hidden beneath the pier....
No I  know I am accountable for my present state..but it does not mean an end to my burning desires.
Its just a look of you ..that could again ignite as a love of fire....

I will come again

I will come again for you on that bus stop..Asking you for a hot cup..
But this time I will not ask for your permission to knock..
Hope that I might get lucky with my lady this time..
Mad is what you can call me..but its hard to define the beauty without a wine...

I will come again to wish you uninvited..
Deep inside my heart knows that we actually never parted..
With each day passing by..makes me sure I could only be happy with you..
Missing you has become my favorite dream of lately....and I some how can't speak the truth..

I will come again for you on that valentine..
Sweeping you off your feet with a kiss that could define love for my sun shine..
Off lately the feeling has grossed in me...I can't and will not be able to move without you..
And every day..I lie to myself..every thing will be all right...and wait patiently for my time to end the blues..

I will come for you again in your dreams...and wish they could be mine..
To stop your tears..and make your fear disappear....call it to be boneless spine..
Its the respect for you and the emotions that have always held me back..
Call me to be..coward...I guess it was never my time..other wise could not have let you go just like that....

If you could hear..what I never said..

If only you could hear..what I never said..
To be true words were not able to express ...but if only your heart could guess..
The state at which I actually was..
Moving on was an option....but I waited in it..to make sure what if you look back..

Broken down...off the track...can't do anything..except for clinging to my God..
Yes I do watch my cell phone many a times..hoping it shows a message..
You can guess the situation in which I have been living..as if nothing happened bad..
Writing style might have changed..and so are the words...one thing is same..I still pray for you what so ever is the world..

The open heart has a different meaning of asking questions..why I am here on my blog ??
 Obvious answer I have.."I see you in here with me..infront of the whole world"..but why choke ??
That is the word which some time sends shiver across my spine..I wish the emotions froze..
Of the happiness and excitement......but then again it breaks down with a bad dose..

I am the culprit responsible for my fate...and ask..why its not you with me my reader ??
Not sure if you have an answer..the best I could get..asking for a time to disappear..
From my life..and my fate..which were some how for a short time associated with you..
I hope and pray with my folded hands and admit.."I have and will always say I DO love you"....

My God Bless you...with all happiness and love :)

I write this in respect of the one I loved the most.
Kept myself at bay waiting for her..holding it to a so called hope.
Irrespective of the result and the reality I have to face today.
There will always be the words of almighty for you..as its the only words I pray..

How could I be angry and not happy with the dream she always wanted as a reality..
I guess..to love some one indefinitely means...no matter what happens you stick with her..what ever she wants to be..
My hands shook and the beat some what missed a second..
I cried myself in, even then the words were for your dream towards so called realization..

It made me strong to be with you..
As every morning..I wake up with you..as if our love has just begun as a fresh sun..
And I realize..I have been too selfish at times...praying for togetherness of me and you..
But my GOD had some different plans..and he always wanted the best to come as your virtue..

I know the reality its not me..and nor it could ever be..
Living in a dream world of me..sleeping with you is feeling..yet I seem to be so much lonely..
Call it to be respect and love for you...never forced myself as you might feel..
Simply waited patiently hoping for a miracle..you might see me as the last man when there is no one left to be

I can't Stop thinking..of you :)

Its the walk that I miss of you..
Not the work out..but it was the time..I was with you...
For the hour I guess..
It laid back all my sadness to rest..

Its the laugh that I miss with you...
Asking me to speak..and me watching you practicing how to breathe..
Funny was the situation..
But atleast gave me the promotion of being closer to have an association..

Its the smiley I miss of you...
The way it was spelt and written..make me forget as If I was some what not in heaven..
Call it to be on demand...
But how come two simple words..make me felt..the love and your warmth..

Its the good times I miss with you..
Hope I never have to go back again..as it pains me more..please do not call me insane..
I only wanted to see you laugh and be happy..no matter if I was with you or not..
Guess..I loved you more than anything..and I cant stop thinking and describing about you..as it was never enough ...as you meant me next to my god..... 

It all starts with a SMILE of you :) my "ONE" :)

I am happy alone seeing you close to me..
Some time as a wallpaper but mostly its the truth I see..
What if we could actually work out....
Could have given me a reason and actually not a treason to quitely pullout.

Of the belief that I was not worth giving a shot..
Standing unchained...waiting for love to hold me with your cloth..
Tired to remember you again and  again..
Just making myself sure..I do not miss praying for you..trust me..it never rained..

Its simply the way..I dropped down..and trying to configure..
What was left in me..with a false hope...you might appear..
Clearing and putting my obnoxious mind to rest..
And love me more than me..that's all that I know you will do when you are at your best..

I can't rethink again...as it some what..pains me..inside to put you in that frame..
Of the dream I saw you with you...changing the terms from I to we as it hung on that window pane..
Actual picture now seems blurred to me..as my eyes are wet praying for my one..
Time and again its my belief and hope...that has answered to me saying "Don't worry..she is some one waiting waiting up there..hiding herself..only for the right time to come"....:)

And I still loveeeeee your smile :)

It does not matter what if I have torn the sheet..
Which had your name....and I saw it every day to believe..
Some how..some day it might work..
Keeping me awake from the night.....with hope..what if we were..

Obviously together forever..as our wishes always were..
Of you and me only..holding hands...getting old..and now it seems worse..
I cannot make my self to consider and believe...you are not near me..
The stupid blame game has started in the mind..cursing my destiny..

What if I could only remember the good times we had...
Perhaps it would be better than finding a reason..why it did not work out..despite the fact..it made us glad..
To be in each other's company felt like I was in some what another world of divinity..
Guess what it was not there to be..as the feeling now is seeping in facing the reality..

Of the world..of which I am actually not a part..
As the reason's may oblige ..but home come..I can trust again and convince my heart..
Obviously ..deep inside the feeling of love is still the same..
And it was only you.....with whom I felt..there could actually be no other..better to pursue..

Strange it is...

When ever you try to run away..there is always some one to catch you..
To make you feel alive, and its this feeling...of eagerness that has left me glued to you..
A sense of exhilaration...inside you..rushing in into yourself..
Expressing the emotions to the core .....from that shelf..

I guess..I will never understand the complexity of emotions..
To simple at times...but in the end its all about..explanations..
Wishing and hoping for a better world is difficult to understand..
As if you are picking some one just like your self from the DNA strand..

Why..?? perhaps is the question asked most of the time..
Its better to say..I do not want myself to be late..expressing myself through the lines..
That is were you come to my rescue..I mean my blog..
No one have actually understood me...to be true its all about clearing the air below the fog..

Some time..I have to ask my self to stop myself..to avoid getting hurt...
As it always have been the expectations that have made the condition worse..
May be..it not good to expect..but how could I have allowed this feeling to seep in..
And I have always loved you from my heart..Till there is last breath left in me.. I only wish and hope that some how it finally begin.. 

A new Meaning..

Don't know..what to write..
As almost and every time..I know..I recite..
My so called agony and pain..
To be true..its the perception that has all the more to be blamed..

Behind  the background...the music is a bit different...
Call it be..monotonous..but its inconsistent..
The so called lines and the rhymes some how....and lost the fragrance and the meaning..
Am I so much in secure..about my inside feeling..

And some how..I always tend to be cautious..not to exaggerate my emotions..
But I know..what I try..in the end..it happens to be only false notions..
Of the so called explanations..and the plea of consideration..
As if nothing happened between us..and it was...as if..only persuasions..

I have nothing more to day...than to perceive...
What I see of you..in me.. that always make me believe..
Some day..you will come back to see..
There is a man standing still..who only wishes you to be with me...

Moving..dragging myself..unsuccessfully....

I tired so hard to forget you...
But its the smile that always makes me think of you :)
So called with a missing nose..
All I wanted and waited was actually to propose..

Else never got a chance to say those words..
Don't understand some how..where every time my rhyme actually goes..
Words are now all together made to repeat..
I have no words to describe me..rather than calling me decimated....else I would have rejoiced on my feet..

Is it the respect that has made me so much weak..
Or is it the fact I know as usual you will be reading this..keeping mum..making me guilty of my defeat..
I loved you more than any thing else..and even cried some time likea hell..
My happiness actually knew no bounds..but it was cut short..and that's when I fell..

From the virtue to the virtual world of mine..
I still see you...even when my eyes...are wet..and ask me "Is loving you was a crime ??"
Or the people might ask...how come you love and like some one...in short span..
The words I say....."She is the one" I have been missing every day...as it..my life was without a fan..

Need not have to convince any one to believe what I say..
Its the choice you and I make....says all...from this day to that day..
I might overshoot the emotions out of my head..
But the thing is..I had no one who was so much in me...like my destiny..